No Man is an Island
by mistye-dawne
Summary: Yamada Hizashi never asked for much in life. He didn't have everything he wanted out of it quite yet, but what he had was more than enough to keep him happy. No matter how much more he wanted, he never asked for fear he'd loose what he already had. Getting to know All Might on a personal level changes everything and he suddenly wants to ask for everything.
1. Chapter 1

Yamada Hizashi has always been the type to become too invested in a person too fast. Toshinori Yagi is no different. That's not to say that such an investment was always a bad thing, as his fifteen year long friendship with Shouta had been formed very much the same way. Yet even though he and the erasure hero had been close since high school, Hizashi always worried about his best friend leaving him behind.

It didn't matter how many times that Shouta promised (yes promised) the voice hero that he'd never just walk away from him. They'd experienced too much together for something like that to happen. Hizashi knew that his best friend never said anything without meaning it, but Shouta could be emotionally distant and wasn't always able to give Hizashi constant affirmation that he was loved. That's why in the fifteen years they'd known each other, they'd never dated, though it was talked about plenty.

Hizashi had liked Shouta as more than just a friend for a long time, however after one too many bad breakups one learns to live with the good they've already got. Having Shouta around to take care of and then be taken care of in return was enough for him. It was about five years ago that the two came to an agreement and decided that so long as the other wasn't seeing anyone, they could use each other for comfort.

Hizashi knew that even with his distant nature, Shouta needed the release sometimes, be it for sex or just wanting a warm body to sleep next to for a night. The blond was more than happy to be whatever outlet the erasure hero needed, as he had quickly learned that Shouta loved to hold onto someone at night and he knew exactly how to love someone when it came to sex. But Hizashi needed more from a relationship than just a warm body and mind blowing nights in bed..

He needed someone that he could care for. Someone that he could spoil every now and then because Shouta was not the type to be spoiled. The erasure hero could hardly stand the blond reminding him to eat at least once a day since he often forgot.

Hizashi needed someone that could give him the emotional support that he constantly seemed to need. Except for the times when he didn't. He sometimes got into these bouts of depression and the only thing he needed during those times was to be left alone; something that Shouta could easily do for him. His friend lingered close to make sure that the voice hero ate, showered, and took care of any other menial things that needed to be done everyday, but that took effort on the blond's part given his mental state. Besides that, Shouta gave him what he needed; space.

In short, the voice hero was a hypersensitive individual with certain physical and emotional needs that he couldn't get from just one partner. The idea of pursuing a polyamorous relationship scared Hizashi so much, because he'd never even been able to keep a steady relationship with a single individual for more than six months. There was a lot about himself that Hizashi sometimes had trouble accepting but could always rely on Shouta to show him that he really was just fine how he was. But this was something he'd never brought up with the erasure hero for fear of the man misunderstanding him and taking it as confession of some kind.

Many of those insecurities were washed away when he easily befriended Toshinori.

Hizashi and the other teachers of UA were introduced and informed of the number one hero's health a good six months before he was actually set to begin teaching. During that time, the soon to be rookie teacher showed up to school sporadically, familiarizing himself with the grounds once more, as much had changed since he was a student at the nationally accredited school.

The teachers of the hero course normally planned something at least once a week to unwind and not think too much about school so before Toshinori officially started teaching, Hizashi took it upon himself to make sure that the man felt welcome and included, even if social outings weren't his thing.

Much to his surprise though, Hizashi finds himself standing outside of Ectoplasm's favorite karaoke bar, waiting for the man as he'd been more than eager to join his future peers. While waiting for Toshinori, the voice hero swipes through his email to see who he's got lined up as a guest for this weekend's show and gets a text from Shouta.

 _(Shouta 18:43) I need you tonight Hizashi. When will you be home?_

Hizashi chuckles to himself and shakes his head. This was the third night in a row that Shouta had stayed the night. Of course, the blond didn't mind one bit. He just thought Shouta was cute when he was like this every so often.

"Yamada!"

He looks up from the device to see Toshinori just down the street from him. Hizashi waves, then types out a quick reply to Shouta, inviting him over to wait until he gets home since he didn't want to go out with everyone. The erasure hero normally skipped out on these get togethers if it didn't involve meeting at a bar, but Hizashi is happy to know that his best friend needed him tonight as well.

Hizashi pockets the phone just as Toshinori stops beside him. They exchange greetings and the voice hero leads him inside. Ecto, Midnight, Snipe and a few others are all smiles and excitedly welcome the two as they settle into the corner seats. The group spends their evening joking and teasing each other about how horrible they are at singing. Well everyone save Ecto and Hizashi are teased, though they all learn that Toshinori isn't a half bad singer.

An hour later, Mic's phone buzzes and he opens Shouta's latest message:

 _(Shouta 19:41) I ate the leftovers in the fridge... hope you don't mind. How long are you going to be out again?_

Shouta would die before admitting it, but when the man wanted something, he could be needy. Hizashi tells him that he's on his way home then bids everyone goodnight. He pauses at the door and smiles at Toshinori who's singing some duet with Midnight. He doesn't want to interrupt the man's fun so he quietly steps from the room then heads down the hallway and out of the bar.

"Thank you, Yamada," Toshinori calls out as Hizashi reaches for the door.

The red-eyed blond stops and turns around to smile at him. "Thank you for coming. Though I really hope that you came because you wanted to and not just to be polite," Hizashi teases.

Hizashi thinks that Toshinori's eyes shine a little brighter when he nods. "Well, had anyone else invited me, I don't know that I would have come," he admits as his cheeks start to heat up. "It just means a lot that you thought to even include me," he say sheepishly.

"You'll learn that we're more than just heroes and high school teachers, Toshinori," Hizashi informs him, "We do get to be regular people every now and then because being a hero all the time is exhausting, isn't it?"

Toshinori nods again. "It is." Hizashi watches him reach up and brush his bangs from his face, only for them to fall forward again. "I'm not so good at the whole being a regular person, but I've really enjoyed myself."

The voice hero smiles. "You don't have to be All Might all the time now," Hizashi says. "Given what you stand for though I can imagine that must be a little difficult for you."

"Am I that easy to read?" Toshinori asks.

"No," the blond shakes his head. "I'm just that intuitive," he then teases.

"I guess I'll head back inside. Thank you again for inviting me, Yamada."

"Enjoy yourself, Toshinori" Mic says, then pushes the door open.

Hizashi enjoyed having Toshinori with them this evening. He'd heard the stories about how All Might brightened a room when he showed up, and the same held true for his weakened form, though Hizashi had to remind himself that Toshinori and All Might were not two different people. They were one in the same, except that Toshinori was an attractive man. A man that he wanted to know better.

But what Hizashi wanted would have to wait until another time as he unlocks his apartment door and steps inside. It's quiet and the only source of light is from the setting sun outside. He unzips and kicks off his boots, tying his hair up as he does so.

"Shouta," he lilts, "I'm home." He peeks into his bedroom and finds the man sprawled in the middle of his california king bed.

Hizashi sighs and leans against the doorframe. Shouta didn't always need sex when he came over to his place. Some nights, he just didn't want to sleep alone. This was one of those nights. The blond strips out of his clothes and climbs into bed with his friend. Once he pulls the sheets over them, Shouta rolls over and pulls Hizashi into his arms.

"What time is it?" he groans then places a kiss to Hizashi's neck.

"Almost 8:30. Go back to sleep, babe," Hizashi sighs, "We can have some fun after you've rested."

Shouta holds the blond a little tighter and nuzzles into Hizashi, kissing his neck again.

"Love you, 'Zashi," he slurs and drifts off once again.

The smile that Hizashi had been wearing since finding Shouta in bed fades, replaced by sad tear-filled eyes. He believed that Shouta loved him, but it wasn't quite the way that Hizashi needed to be loved. He could only give Hizashi so much and the blond respected that, never asking for more from him. After fifteen years of being friends, he still had this irrational fear that he'd lose his best friend if he told him what he really needed.

So for now, he'd let Shouta hold him while crying silent tears. He'd let the man love him in his own way and the blond would enjoy every moment together because he knew that Shouta was sincere and he really did love his best friend. _He_ just needed more.

* * *

Toshinori is able to give him what he is missing from his best friend. Over the next handful of months, Hizashi's time outside of work is split between spending time with Toshinori and Shouta. Never once does he spend time with them together as Shouta makes his distaste for the hero very clear. And Toshinori, well it wasn't that he disliked Shouta as far as Hizashi knew, but he seemed to think that it was better that he keep his distance from the erasure hero.

Neither seemed to mind that _he_ enjoyed spending time with them both, so long it was never together. It was a shame really, because Hizashi thought Toshinori to be a sensible man in certain regards. Of course Shouta is told all about his time that he blond spends with Toshinori as he always asked Hizashi if he'd enjoyed himself. If one didn't know the erasure hero, one might assume that he was genuinely curious to know the man behind the facade of All Might. Hizashi knew that he was simply indulging the him and letting him go on about these little lunch dates of his.

There was nothing romantic about them, just he and Toshinori meeting up on a weekend for lunch, or after school for coffee. It gave him the chance to learn just who Toshinori Yagi was as a person, which was an individual who worried about many things, though he never talked about them. To Hizashi, it seemed as though the tall blond was ashamed to worry about what he worried about and that made the voice hero feel a bit uneasy to see such a somber look on his face when he was thinking sometimes.

It was normal to worry about things. It was human and though they were also heroes, they were still human. There were limits to what humans could handle both physically and emotionally. Hizashi often worried about Toshinori's emotional well being and always offered to be there if he did ever want to talk.

But that's not to say he was always downcast. The two learned plenty about each other, like that they had a shared love for English. It was something that the voice hero had been surprised to learn, but nonetheless delighted to have someone he could talk to in depth about. Not only that, Toshinori had obviously put in effort to be able to speak the language without sounding formal and awkward all the time.

It had also prompted the voice hero to ask about Toshinori's life before he debuted.

"You lived stateside?" Hizashi asks before taking a sip of his coconut milk macchiato.

"I did," Toshinori answers with a nod. "I left right after high school and worked at a few different agencies for several years before coming back home."

"You mean before debuting," the voice hero corrects. "Not that I'm poking fun at your age, but I was in still in school when the world came to know All Might."

"Shhh, not so loud," the taller man quickly whispers, drawing a chuckle from Hizashi.

"What made you come back?" he asks next.

"A mentor of mine. She had..." Hizashi cocks his head at the pause and watches Toshinori close his eyes and take a breath before speaking again. "She fell ill."

"I'm sorry. You don't have to say anymore, Toshinori," he says guiltily. He hadn't meant to pry about something so personal.

"You were just asking a question."

"Still, I was a bit careless," Hizashi continues. "Besides, who am I to assume that I can simply ask about your past when it's been such a closely guarded secret?" he then teases.

"It's not that it's a secret, Yamada," Toshinori explains, "It's just personal and I've never been close enough to anyone before to talk about it."

"I suppose that makes sense," the voice hero muses, recounting his own struggles with forming any kind of intimate relationship. It wasn't so easy for civilians to see the person behind the quirk so to speak, as they often got caught up in the rush of garnering the attentions of a well known hero. "So you've not dated ever?"

"I wouldn't say that I've never dated," he sputters, a blush rising to his cheeks as Hizashi gives him a questioning look. "Okay, I've not dated anyone in eight years," Toshinori admits.

"That's a long time, Toshinori," Hizashi says, chewing on the thought.

The other blond narrows his eyes and leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. "What are you thinking, Yamada?"

"Nothing in particular," he says letting the words hang in the air, " just that if you ever did want to start again, I may or may not know a few parties who'd be interested."

The taller man quickly covers his mouth before coughing up blood. "Ahh I-I don't think that would ever happen," Toshinori sputters.

"Oh? Why's that?"

"Because I doubt anyone would be interested in this ghost of a man I've become," he comments while opening his arms as though to bare himself. "I'll also have you know that I'm quite picky when it comes to choosing a partner."

"Nothing wrong with having standards," Hizashi stresses. "I bet you'd be surprised at how many people might find you attractive."

"Can you name one?" the taller blond challenges.

"Me."

"What?" Toshinori asks, blinking at Hizashi who looks straight into Toshinori's eyes as he sips his coffee.

"I know that you heard me, Toshinori," he answers calmly making the taller man blush as he comes to terms that he'd not heard wrong.

The voice hero wasn't lying to him. He wasn't saying that he was in love with the man or anything like that, but he was fond of the time he spent with Toshinori and had no shame in admitting that he thought the older blond was handsome.

"I-thank you, Yamada," Toshinori stutters a bit coyly and the voice hero wonders if the man does it purposely in an attempt to flirt with him.

He'd be lying if he said that he wasn't interested in the possibility but the number one hero was still a mystery to Hizashi. Though the experienced pro seemed to appreciate the time they spent together as well, so maybe given more time together that possibility could become a reality.

It's something that Hizashi finds himself thinking about quite often as the beginning of the new school year draws near.

They start seeing a little less of each other outside of school as the new school year approaches, but Toshinori makes an effort to seek Hizashi out in between classes and during lunch. On the days that Hizashi brings food for Shouta, he joins them, though he doesn't say much. It's better than him publicly criticizing the rookie teacher at least, which is progress as the two will be working together quite often with the new group of students.

The voice hero is a little envious but maybe Shouta will learn that there really is a whole different side to Toshinori Yagi.


	2. Chapter 2

The new school year had barely even started when tragedy strikes. The attack on the USJ comes as a shock (naturally) to the public, but also to the teachers of UA. The school and heroes are accused of being incompetent; their critics believing an attack shouldn't have been possible in the first place, while others thinking that the teachers should have been prepared regardless. The students involved had acted quickly and appropriately to get out of harm's way, but it was also due to their teachers suffering severe injuries because they made sure to take the brunt of everything to protect their charges.

The same night, after the students are cleared of any possible injuries and sent home, Hizashi wastes no time in going to the hospital. He should have been allowed to come earlier since he was Shouta's emergency contact, thus his proxy, but the principal had been adamant is placing the erasure hero's class under his watch to ensure that they were fine physically speaking.

He is given all sorts of bad news regarding possible long term effects from Shouta's injuries but claim that they won't know anything for sure until he wakes up and opens his eyes.

When the doctors finally leave him alone, he's unable to hold back a few tears. Hizashi is trying so hard not to break down as he sits in the dimly lit hospital room, waiting for Shouta to wake up. He couldn't allow himself to completely break down as he'd been told that it was possible for the unconscious man to hear him. The last thing he wants is for his best friend to hear him crying and being unable to do anything to comfort him.

All he can think about is how much pain Shouta had to have been in while he was still conscious. It makes the voice hero queasy as he remembers the sight of his friend's limp body being whisked. His face bloodied and his arms broken and twisted in ways that shouldn't have been possible.

Hizashi removes his speaker from around his neck, twisting it to either side to stretch out the confined muscles. He also takes off his jacket, trying to get as comfortable as possible since he was going to be here all night. The voice hero was far too exhausted for having done the bare minimum to help with defeating the remaining villains and then checking over Shouta's students. But he'd been thinking about the erasure hero's condition the entire time and had to keep his own emotions in check.

The blond curls up into the large chair at Shouta's bedside, pulling a spare blanket over himself, when he hears a soft knock at the room door. Yagi steps inside, his blue eyes dull as he tries to give Hizashi a comforting smile. Oh god, Yagi. How had the man not even crossed his mind once throughout the afternoon? The voice hero sniffles and makes room for the other blond to share the seat with him.

The man says nothing as he walks across the room to join Hizashi, his eyes downcast, unable to look at the bandaged man wired to a few machines. "How is he holding up?" Yagi whispers as he settles on the front half of the rather large chair, his back to Hizashi. He's purposely keeping space between the two of them.

"You don't have to whisper. It actually might help him wake up if he hears us," Hizashi says, his voice scratchy. Yagi grabs a bottle of water and hands it to the voice hero. Hizashi downs most of the bottle. "He's stable, for now," he sobs, "the doctor's said there was a lot of damage to his orbital floor. We won't know if he can see until he wakes up."

"I'm so sorry, Yamada. This is all my fault," he sighs.

Hizashi reaches forward, squeezing the man's shoulder. "No one blames you, Yagi. You had no idea-"

"I should have been there," he growls, " I knew what my limit was and I knew that I..." he pauses and takes a deep breath. "I was supposed to be there with Aizawa and Thirteen. Your best friend is lying here, barely hanging on. Yamada, you can't sit here and tell me-"

Unable to listen to him blame himself anymore, Hizashi wraps both arms around the number one hero and pulls the man back against him. "I can and I will," he whispers, his voice shaky. "This attack wasn't just you. We all should have expected something like this," he stresses.

Yagi holds onto the arm wrapped around his shoulders and breaks down. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," he croaks.

Hizashi holds him, smoothing a hand through his hair, not knowing if the repeated apology is for him or the unconscious man beside the two blonds. Hizashi wants to let go and cry so bad but he can't. He can't, because right now Yagi is the one that needs to be comforted and told that everything will be okay, and Hizashi is more than happy to be the man to do that.

As Shouta's medical proxy, Hizashi is able to stay the night with him, but before Yagi has to leave he invites him over to Shouta's place to clean up a bit since the erasure hero won't be able to do so once he's discharged. He knows that it's probably a little early to be thinking about getting his friend ready to go home, but Hizashi also knows that once he's awake he'll want to be out of the hospital as soon as possible.

Yagi agrees to help and Hizashi thinks that he looks eager because those blue eyes shine a little brighter at the invitation. For the first time since getting news of the attack, Hizashi smiles up at the taller man and tells Yagi that he'll text him Shouta's address so he can meet him there.

Shouta comes to sometime in the middle of the night, thrashing about and waking Hizashi. The blond jumps onto the bed with him and wraps his arms around his shoulders to keep from struggling and causing more harm to himself.

"Shouta, babe, focus on my voice," he directs with a cool tone. "Breath for me. Slow breaths, Shouta."

"Hi-ashi?" he stutters.

"I'm here. I've got you."

"St-students?"

"They're all fine. Safe with their families in fact," Hizashi assures him.

The blond holds him until he's able to get his breathing under control. Aizawa Shouta doesn't cry but Hizashi knows that the broken hiccups he hears from him as he gently lays him back down are just that.

Once he has Shouta on his back again, Hizashi steps away to get some water for him, talking the entire time. He tells him that his class got out just fine, that no one was injured. It was the truth for the most part as Midoriya had his wounds treated by Recovery Girl and was able walk from the school without help. With the bandages over his eyes he can't see, but he assures him that the doctor is coming so that they can look him over.

The pair is told that he won't have use of his arms for at least six weeks. And while Shouta is able to see, though barely, it's very likely that the use of his quirk will suffer. The doctor doesn't stay for long, after giving Shouta something for the pain until Recovery Girl arrives in the morning. The medicine makes him groggy, but Hizashi stays with him the whole time. Talking gently, keeping him grounded and focused on just him until his eyes fall shut.

The blond moves back to the chair and sends a quick text to Yagi, letting him know that Shouta had woken up and opened his eyes. He sets his phone down, surprised when it vibrates a couple seconds later.

 _(Yagi 4:22) that's wonderful Yamada... i think i might be able to sleep now_

 _(Me 4:23) You've been up this whole time?!_

 _(Yagi 4:25) yes..._

Hizashi smiles at the screen then glances over at Shouta. He'd not thanked Yagi for stopping by earlier. It meant a lot that he thought to stop by after the day he must have had because even though Hizashi had been the one comforting him it really had done wonders for his emotional state. Caring for others distracted him and calmed him down. Hizashi was thankful for that even though the other blond was unaware of what he'd done for him.

 _(Me 4:28) Thank you for coming... it meant a lot to me that you visited._

 _(Yagi 4:29) I should be thanking you. I still feel like this is my fault but... you really helped calm me down._

A few tears slip down his cheeks. It means the world to him right now to know that he was able to be of help to at least one person after the day's events.

 _(Me 4:31) We should get some sleep. We'll meet at Shouta's place this afternoon._

 _(Yagi 4:32) sleep well_

* * *

Hizashi is exhausted the following afternoon but tries his best to put on a smile when Yagi knocks on Shouta's door, though the other blond doesn't look like he rested very much himself. The voice hero takes the grocery bags that he'd brought with him and shows Yagi inside. He'd called Hizashi before leaving his own place, suggesting the idea that they prepare enough meals to last Shouta and he a few days so that he had one less thing to worry about during his recovery.

Hizashi is very appreciative that he'd come up with the idea because while he was able to cook pretty decently, just knowing that he wasn't going to have to worry about what to feed his best friend while he took care of everything else for him eased his stress just that much. Hizashi watches Yagi get to work in the kitchen while picks up around Shouta's bare apartment. The erasure hero's cat takes a liking to the man in the kitchen, to which Yagi can only chuckle at.

"If he gets to be a handful, let me know and I'll feed him," Hizashi says as he folds the few towels that he'd put through the wash when he'd arrived.

"He? A calico?" he questions.

"Yep! Shouta rescued him two and half years ago and just couldn't let him go."

"He's a sweet thing isn't he?" the taller man coos, pausing in his cutting of various vegetables to look down at the feline rubbing against his legs.

"Sorin's got a personality of his own, that's for sure," Hizashi scoffs.

"You don't like him?"

"I'm just not too big on animals," he shrugs, "but I like Sorin well enough. Probably cause I'm over a lot.."

"Oh?"

Hizashi glares at the back of Yagi's head before heading down the hall to put away the laundry. If he didn't know any better, he'd think that the man in Shouta's kitchen was trying to get some juicy information on his best friend. He returns to the kitchen and hops onto an empty counter by the fridge.

"You're nosy, Yagi," he teases causing the man to blush.

"I-I was only asking. I didn't mean anything by it," Yagi stammers.

"Calm down... I was only teasing," he laughs. "Besides, you're not the first to assume that there's something between Shouta and I."

"Isn't there?" he inquires.

"Well, he's my best friend. Has been for the last fifteen years," Hizashi explains. "He and I... we're all we have left."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," he apologizes.

"What about you, _All Might_ , don't you have any friends or family to speak of?"

The taller man's shoulders slump forward at the question. Hizashi cocks his head to the side and his smile falls at Yagi's silence as he remembers what he'd said about his mentor.

"It's just me here," he says softly.

"Oh," Hizashi sighs. He jumps off the counter and walks over to stand at the stove beside him. He nudges Yagi who looks down at him, smiling as brightly as he can manage. "I know it's probably not much, but you have me right?"

Hizashi's breath stills when Yagi's eyes widen a bit at his question, then fall shut when that genuine smile graces his face and he nods in agreement. The shorter blond quickly looks away and focuses on hiding the blush that he can feel creeping up on him, deciding to distract himself by smelling the food, though he has to lean closer to Yagi to do that.

Hizashi asks him where he learned to cook and Yagi tells him more about the handful of years he spent in the US before his debut. He doesn't tell Hizashi much, but the voice hero is happy to have the chance to learn a few more things that very few probably know about him. It's obvious that he's withholding many things still, such as the identity of his mentor and exactly why he went to the US in the first place. But that's okay for now.

The two make plans to make more food over the weekend to keep things as easy as possible for Hizashi. Yagi also says that he can help care for Aizawa for the day so that the voice hero can get some rest. He wasn't trying to suggest that Aizawa would be a handful for Hizashi or that he wasn't capable of caring for the man, just that he knew what it was like to be in Aizawa's position.

Hizashi doesn't pry, knowing that if it was something Yagi wanted to talk about, then he would in his own time.

Two days in the hospital was all the time Shouta could handle. Recovery Girl had started monitoring him the morning after he'd woken up so in addition to the doctors taking care of him, he'd received a couple treatments from her and was discharged from the hospital. Before Hizashi had even finished signing the outpatient paperwork, Shouta was already trying to leave the building.

The two are silent the entire commute home to Shouta's apartment, the dark-haired man exhausted from the combination of his numerous medications and Recovery Girl's treatment. Sorin wastes no time in greeting his human when Shouta steps through the front door. Hizashi watches his friend walk to the living room and settle on the couch, the cat curling onto his lap as he does so.

"Are you hungry?" the blond asks before walking back to the bedroom where he drops a duffle of his clothing at the foot of the bed.

When he goes back out to Shouta, the man is sitting there with his cat purring away contentedly. Hizashi smiles sadly and goes to the kitchen to warm up some of what he and Yagi had made the previous day. Hizashi doesn't think that Shouta should be returning to the school so soon, but as expected his friend fought him on that point and demanded that he be allowed to go back once classes resumed.

No matter how Hizashi looked at it, allowing him to go back was the best option for monitoring his recovery as _he_ couldn't be away from school for too long and Shouta couldn't be left at home by himself all day. So the dark-haired man would get what he wanted and resume teaching tomorrow morning with the rest of them.

Tonight though, Hizashi was going to dote on his friend and make sure that he was as comfortable as his injuries would allow.

He sits beside Shouta on the couch and shoos away the cat, jostling the tired man.

"You didn't need to cook," Shouta groans as he tries to turn and face Hizashi.

The blond holds a spoonful of chicken and rice in front of him. "Yagi came over yesterday and helped me out by doing some meal prep for the week," he says as Shouta takes the bite of food. "You know that he thinks this whole thing is his fault."

"In a way it is," he responds dryly after swallowing the food. "But he's also an idiot for thinking that he could have done anything to prevent the attack.

Hizashi gives Shouta another bite and thinks about his words. He was right. In a way, the presence of All Might at UA is what caused the villains to attack the school. But even if he'd known about the attack, what really could he have done differently? He liked Yagi as a person, a peer and even as a hero. But Hizashi agreed with Shouta that All Might was often too reckless in his work.

"So, he offered to come over?" Shouta asks after another bite.

Hizashi raises an eyebrow at him then takes a bite himself. It wasn't like Shouta to be overly interested in Yagi's affairs if they didn't concern teaching.

"He came to see you while you were still out," Hizashi says. Shouta's eyes widen at the statement. "I invited him to help out. It seemed to make him feel better."

"Really..."

"Yep!" the voice hero chirps. "He'll be back over the weekend so we can make some more food for the week." Hizashi watches a slight smile appear on Shouta's face; something not even he sees gets to see often.

"I'll have to thank him for wanting to help," Shouta comments, "I don't need you taking on more than you can handle, Hizashi."

"You don't need to worry about me, Shouta," he says and holds another spoonful out to the man. "I'll be okay. You know that."

"Until you're not," Shouta quips and takes the bite.

"Let's just finish dinner so we can shower, okay?" Hizashi jeers. Shouta falls silent and eats a few more bites before he's finished.

After Hizashi cleans up the one dish, he leads his friend to the bathroom where he gently undresses him. Sometimes the blond hated that Shouta knew him so well, because that meant someone was able to see through the emotional wall that he kept around him. Though he had to remind himself that if Shouta _wasn't_ able to see through him, then something was really wrong between them.

He directs Shouta to stand under the running water and then joins him a moment later. Bathing with him is nothing new as they'd seen one another nude more times than he could count over the years. Shouta leans back against Hizashi and hums in contentment as he lathers shampoo into his hair. The blond smiles at the gesture.

"I'm sorry I snapped earlier," Hizashi says meekly when Shouta turns around so that he can rinse the man's hair.

"I do notice things, Hizashi. I know how you cope and deal with emotional stress," he sighs out.

Hizashi's hands fall to his side and he stares down into Shouta's eyes. He'd done so well not to have a breakdown. He'd been strong the entire time for his friend so that he wouldn't worry him, but those tired eyes knew too much about him and they easily broke down everything he tried so hard to keep up.

"Y-you have no i-idea how scared I was," he stutters. The shorter man steps toward him, the plastic bags that are taped over his casts sticking to Hizashi's skin. "Wha-"

"Kiss me."

Shouta's words are simple and direct, but his eyes are full of emotion. His eyes never reveal how he's feeling in the moment, but right now he's unable to hide behind that usual tired glare of his.

Hizashi brings a hand up to Shouta's face, his thumb sliding over the new scar under his eye before he leans in to meet his lips in a languid kiss. He never gets to kiss him like this but he's being allowed to and it hurts his heart. As their tongues dance around the other, Hizashi hopes that maybe, just maybe Shouta needs this kiss just as much as he does.


	3. Chapter 3

When the weekend hits, Yagi comes over with specific groceries that Hizashi had asked for so that he can prepare Shouta's favorite dish. The voice hero is a tad miffed that this best friend somehow roped the rookie teacher into bringing work with him as well and he hopes that the other blond knows how displeased he is with the glare he's directing at them from his spot in the kitchen. However, when those blue eyes meet his red ones, Yagi can only shrug and Hizashi can't fight the smile or the flush on cheeks. At least Shouta isn't bored and is mildly distracted from the pain.

The voice hero turns his attention back to the food on the stove and spoons two small servings of the curry he'd made onto some cabbage, then brings them out to the table. He asks Yagi if he's okay with feeding Shouta and the man happily agrees. Hizashi playfully sticks his tongue out at Shouta as he sashays back over to the stove to separate the rest of it. He can practically feel the the mummified man pressing the knife from his utility belt against his back and knows that there will be hell to pay once he's better.

Hizashi watches from the kitchen as the two of them eat and continue to work on a lesson plan as Shouta still intends to return to the USJ once the police are done with their investigation there. The conversation between the two teachers is quite idle and he actually tunes it out in favor of singing to himself while observing the two. It's endearing to see this side of Yagi, how gentle and attentive he is when caring for another. He's also surprised with how receptive Shouta is, allowing Yagi to feed and write for him.

Given how the erasure hero always so critical of every little thing regarding Yagi, he thought that maybe he would have refused the help from him. Though it would have been highly irrational on his part since he literally couldn't do anything himself. Still it made Hizashi feel at ease to see his friend looking... content as he sat beside the bright-eyed blond.

"Thank you," he hears Shouta say when he tunes back into their conversation.

"There's no need to say that, Aizawa," Yagi says modestly, acting like what he was doing for both Shouta and Hizashi was normal.

"There is because I'm not thanking for helping me, Yagi," the dark-haired man corrects. The voice hero jumps when Sorin rubs brushes against his bare legs, unaware that the feline had been close by. The barely controlled yelp draws the attention of the men sitting at the table. "I wanted to thank you for helping Hizashi as he can't even help himself around Sorin," Shouta deadpans.

Hizashi whips his head about and blushes, his cheeks almost the same color as his eyes, when Yagi starts to laugh at the statement.

"I'm sure Yamada was simply lost in the tune only he can hear," Yagi teases. Oh, so he hadn't been humming as quietly as he thought.

"He gets lost in a lot of things, like when he takes on too much and neglects his own well-being," Shouta continues staring into Hizashi's. "Thank you for looking out for him and making things a little easier for us both."

The older blond looks over to the kitchen and smiles at the voice hero. He responds by quickly turning from the two and busies himself by cleaning up, biting back the tears that threaten to fall at a moment's notice. Hizashi could easily see himself falling for Yagi. In fact, he was pretty sure that he already was.

Over the months that he'd spent hanging out with and learning more about Yagi, he'd been able to talk about things that normally would have made him anxious. Such as him wearing women's clothing to one of their little dates as he'd canceled on Yagi once, saying that he wasn't feeling too hot when he was actually just nervous for Yagi to see him in that kind of clothing that day. Yagi welcomed that kind of thinking, and though Hizashi hadn't worn any of skirts or blouses out to meet the older man, he found that he was completely comfortable with him knowing, which was saying something as Shouta was the only other person who knew.

Yagi was as clueless as could be when it came to teaching, and he was far too reckless with himself as a hero. But he cared about those around him. Yagi was like Hizashi in a way, except the number one hero was able to be completely honest with who he was. Well, with the teachers of UA at least.

Hizashi had to remind himself that Yagi was being very trusting with him and the others about the true nature of his health, though they honestly knew the bare minimum about how sick he really was. Still, the fact remained that he hid that from the rest of the world because he had to. Because he was the Symbol of Peace, Yagi had to hide himself to protect others.

 _He_ , on the other hand, hid himself from everyone, save Shouta, because he was afraid. Behind that loud and social face he wore at school and for his radio show, Yamada Hizashi hid his shy and insecure heart that cared too much about others before caring for himself. It wouldn't ever matter how much he cared about someone because he knew that he'd always prove to be too much for one person so what was the point in trying, right?

He had Shouta and though Hizashi wanted (needed) more than his best friend was able to give, Shouta was the only one he trusted wholeheartedly. When he a young twenty something, before he'd even considered being a teacher, he had time to let loose and have fun. By twenty-three he thought that he'd found the one, only to be ghosted a week before he was supposed to be getting married.

That incident had nearly killed Hizashi and he made a promise to himself and Shouta that he'd never allow anyone to hurt him like that again. It had been one of the few times that he'd seen the erasure hero angry. It was why _he_ was so attached to Shouta and feared the idea of his friend eventually finding someone to settle down with.

A fear that became very real shortly after Shouta had his bandages removed.

* * *

The first thing that the dark-haired man wants from Hizashi is to be allowed to fuck him senseless, which he is okay with as neither man had gotten any action since before the attack. The blond is barely able to get his front door open before Shouta shoves him against the wall and starts to lavish him.

"Shouta," he whines when the shorter man nips at his jaw.

"Strip," he sighs and slides his hands under Hizashi's shirt.

"Whatever you say, babe," he laughs.

The blond shrugs out of his jacket then pulls his shirt over his head. Shouta's eyes look downright predatory as he lunges and starts trailing kisses from his neck to his collarbone. Hizashi let's out a soft hiss as his friend's calloused fingers ghost over his bare chest up to his shoulders. When they stop, Hizashi follows the silent command and slides down to his knees, immediately running his own hands up the outside of Shouta's legs until he reaches the waistband of his pants.

"Hizashi, no teasing tonight," Shouta sighs, his hand underneath the blond's chin, forcing those red eyes up. "Please."

Hizashi raises an eyebrow and smirks up at him. "Whatever you say," he answers again and pulls down Shouta's pants, freeing the man's straining cock.

Hizashi leans forward with his tongue out and laps at the head of Shouta's cock, causing him to lean forward and brace the wall for support. The blond smiles to himself and takes him into his mouth, his tongue dragging along the underside of it. He pulls back, letting the head of Shouta's cock remain in his mouth as he swirls his tongue around it. He continues the torturous pace of sliding his friend's dick as far as he can without gagging while humming around him.

The sensation from his lewd hums cause Shouta to grab a fistful of Hizashi's hair and pull him completely forward, stopping only when he can feel the man gag around him.

Hizashi tries to hold still when he suddenly thrusts into his mouth, but after six weeks of no action he's a little out of practice and grabs Shouta's hips, pushing him away.

"Fuck," Shouta groans after being pushed away. "Sorry."

Hizashi shakes his head and coughs. "It's just been a minute, babe," he says after catching his breath. Shouta smirks down at him then pulls Hizashi to his feet so he can kiss him. "Babe, can we-"

"Yeah... bedroom."

The two are a mess of limbs as they stumble through the apartment, kissing and touching wherever they reach. Shouta shoves him down on the mattress when they reach the bed and Hizashi scoots closer to the pillows. Shouta watches with hungry eyes before he climbs on top of the blond. The dark-haired man starts at his hips, kissing and marking his way up. Worshiping every scar and blemish that the voice hero is ashamed of.

Speaking honestly, Hizashi is down to try just about anything in bed at least once. Shouta and he had tried plenty and while he loved Shouta's dominate and kinky side, his favorite nights were when the man was sweet and tender with him. It was more than sex on the nights that Hizashi was worshipped by Shouta. He wasn't sure if Shouta saw it this way, but to the voice hero it felt they made love on those nights.

Nights when Shouta would allow himself to be vulnerable, his emotions exposed for Hizashi to be overwhelmed by. This was going to be one of those nights and he'd be left heartbroken.

"I love you, Hizashi," he whispers after Shouta slides his pants down to his ankles and kisses his way back until the two are face to face.

"I love you too, Shou," he responds, voice wavering, and then reaches a hand into the man's dark hair to pull him down. Hizashi moans into the kiss, low and heady, and the vibrations send shivers down Shouta's spine.

Hizashi kicks his pants off the rest of the way, then flips their positions and takes over leaving his own marks on Shouta's pale skin. "Get the lube for me, babe," he says in between the kisses that he trails down back to the man's cock. The blond has to pause so the other man can move to the bedside drawer. When Shouta is back to his spot, he places the bottle into Hizashi's open hand as the blond swallows him simultaneously, humming in delight and thrusting into the warm mouth.

"'Zashi." Hizashi pops open the bottle and squeezes a bit of lube onto his fingers. He reaches behind to tease himself for a minute, continuing to suck Shouta's dick, before pushing a finger inside. "Shit..." Shouta hisses when the blond groans around him.

The man beneath Hizashi is completely lax, letting him do as he pleases while he preps himself. The desperation that had been present not long ago had all but disappeared from the erasure hero. He's just laying there, eyes closed, and holding himself still for Hizashi as the blond notices his muscles starting to shake.

He releases his friend's cock when he pushes a second lubed finger inside himself, then leans back down and runs his tongue from the base to tip, taking the head into his mouth once more.

"Baby," the blond groans when his fingertips brush against that sensitive bundle of nerves.

Shouta grabs a fistful of Hizashi's hair and pulls him up. The voice hero hisses at the slight sting but also from the fiction of their cocks grinding together once they're face to face. He's about to ask for a condom, but the man beneath him is already holding a packet between his teeth. Hizashi takes it from him, quickly rips it open then slides it onto Shouta.

Hizashi straddles his hips and leans down to kiss him as he slowly takes him in. Shouta's hands immediately seek purchase on the blond's hips as he forces himself to hold still until Hizashi has taken him completely.. The voice hero groans at the sensation of being filled after weeks of nothing and he inadvertently clenches around him as he tries to keep his quirk in check.

"Dammit," Shouta breaths out, "move. Please." Hizashi does as asked then slowly slides back down. He lets Shouta continue to lift his hips as he spreads himself open.

The slow pace doesn't last much longer as Shouta pulls out and and Hizashi crawls forward as the man lines up behind him. Shouta thrusts inside and leans down to kiss the center of his back. When he straightens back up, he pulls the blond up with him one arm wrapped around his waist with the other gripping his hip.

"Hizashi," he pants against his neck.

Shouta's voice is strained, like he's about to cry.

"I'm here babe," he mewls and laces their fingers together. "Just let go." Shouta tightens his hold on Hizashi and thrusts in a quicker, sporadic rhythm. That beautiful pressure is building inside and his leaking cock aches from lack of attention.

He needs to be touched.

"Shouta. Touch me," he pleads.

"Not yet."

Shouta's hurting him now. He'll have bruises in the morning, but the man inside him is too far gone to be stopped and he... Hizashi is too lost in being Shouta's sole focus right now. He feels whole, completely loved and cared about. And that's unusual when he lays with his best friend. Something is wrong with Shouta and he doesn't know what it could possibly be. He's scared. He's scared and few tears escape him.

"Shou, please," Hizashi sobs. The man behind him releases his hand and wraps it around his throbbing cock. A few strokes is all it takes to push Hizashi over the edge dragging Shouta with him. "Fuck, baby. So good, Shouta."

Shouta holds Hizashi close with his clean hand, leaning into the back of his neck, his breath stuttering as he empties himself into the condom, his muscles shaking against Hizashi's. "I'm sorry," he barely whispers and hugs the blond a little tighter.

"Shouta, what's wrong?"

The man pulls out, not answering, and goes off to the bathroom. With Shouta no longer holding him up, Hizashi falls forward onto the bed, breathless. His eyes drift close as he thinks about how that was the best sex he'd gotten from his friend in a long time. He always enjoyed sex with Shouta, but tonight was full of passion and emotion. It had left him overwhelmed and blissfully satisfied.

The bed dips when Shouta returns and Hizashi turns his head to look at him. He smiles as his friend gently cleans him up, though it disappears when he hears the man sob. Hizashi rolls onto his back and holds his arms open for him. Shouta doesn't hesitate to toss the now dirty washcloth to the floor and crawl beside him as they move about so Hizashi can pull the sheets over them.

"Talk to me, Shou," he coos and smooths a hand through his hair.

"We can't do this anymore, Hizashi," he sighs then kisses the blond's shoulder.

Hizashi freezes.

This was how their arrangement ended. Right after the best sex he'd gotten in a long time. His best friend had finally find someone he wanted to build a future with. Someone that wasn't him so there would be no room for Shouta to love him like he had tonight.

"Is it someone I know?" he hesitantly questions, "So that I don't have to worry about you."

"It's Yagi."

The blond closes his eyes and pulls Shouta closer.

When was it going to be his turn? When was Hizashi finally going to catch a break from this seemingly constant state of emotional distress? It was one thing to be losing the emotional support that Shouta gave him through sex, but to also be losing the possibility of having anything remotely romantic form between Yagi and him just wasn't fair.

Hizashi, who never asked for much from life, just wanted to have someone to spend his nights with. Someone he could talk to about what bothered him. Someone he could cook for and take care of without having to worry if he was doing too much because that sort of stuff gave him comfort.

His heart rate was increasing and it was getting hard for him to breath, but Shouta, strong and quick thinking Shouta, notices the beginning of his panic attack and moves to kneel beside him. Shouta holds himself over Hizashi, cradling the blond's face between calloused hands.

"Hizashi, look at my eyes," he instructs, his voice full of worry.

Hizashi is upset and wishes that he could disappear, but he does as instructed and looks into Shouta's now watery eyes. "Don't leave me alone, Shou," he cries as tears start falling from his red eyes.

"You will always have me," Shouta vows, "we're family Hizashi."

Shouta never said anything without meaning so Hizashi nodded at him then let the dark-haired man hold him for a change when he rolled back onto the bed. He was still shaken by the turn of events but in the end Shouta had given his word that he'd be there always and he wanted to be someone deserving of that. So as he lays in Shouta's arms he resolves himself and makes the decision that he will wish nothing but happiness for him and Yagi. Not matter how much it tore him apart to be left behind.

The following morning, over coffee, Shouta properly ends their arrangement for casual sex. Hizashi is scared to find out how things between him and Yagi will change. But he's even more concerned about things between he and Shouta because committing oneself to another changed a person. Yes, Shouta had said that _he'd_ always have him, but how much of that was rational truth and how much had been emotional.

Hizashi asks Shouta when he plans to tell all this to Yagi and his friend admits that he hasn't thought that far ahead yet. The blond chuckles at the way the erasure hero ducks down into the folds of his scarf. He advises that the best approach to take with Shouta's blue-eyed crush is to approach him directly and ask him out.

The dark-haired man is skeptical about being so forward, but Hizashi assures him that it's his best chance of success in getting the rookie teacher to agree to a date. Hizashi thinks that he does a decent job at playing off how hurt he is as Shouta never once asks if he's okay the entire morning. Though he could also know that Hizashi _isn't_ okay but knows that asking will get him no answers.


	4. Chapter 4

On the day that the teachers of classes 1-A and 1-B see their students off for their week long internships, Yagi calls Hizashi and invites the voice hero to his apartment. Hizashi has an inkling of why the man wants to meet and even though he's still heartbroken about his best friend ending the good thing they had and wanting to date the same man as he did, that wasn't Yagi's fault. So he agrees to go over to his place for dinner that night.

Hizashi gives himself a mental pep talk on the way to Yagi's apartment. He can do this. Just because he doesn't get to be the one dating the blue-eyed ray of sunshine, doesn't mean that Hizashi wants him out of his life. In fact, it means the world to him that Yagi thought to call him. To know that he trusted Hizashi and was comfortable in coming to him for help or whatever it was he needed. It made him feel needed. That Hizashi was still important to him.

When Yagi opens the door, the voice hero's breath stills. Yagi's bangs are pulled and pinned together out of his face and he's wearing clothes that actually fit him; A plain pair of black sweatpants and a blue long-sleeved skirt. The voice hero always thought that the room looked a little brighter with Yagi around, but tonight he was positively radiant. He looked like a man in love.

He feels an immense in his chest and thinks that he might collapse from it.

But Hizashi puts on a smile and follows him inside. He takes a deep breath and is surrounded by the smell of something home cooked. "Whatever you decided to cook smells amazing," he says excitedly.

"I was in the mood for pasta. I hope that's okay," Yagi says meekly. Hizashi raises an eyebrow at the man in the kitchen.

"Are you kidding?" he questions, "I'll gladly eat your cooking anytime."

The man in the kitchen goes rigid and reaches up pull at his bangs, but drops his hand a second later when he realizes that he has them pulled back. Hizashi chuckles at him as he pulls the baking dish from the oven.

"Is it that obvious that I'm a nervous wreck right now?" Yagi sighs after setting down the hot dish.

"Let me guess, he just walked up to you and asked you out," Hizashi teases, "Put you on the spot and expected an answer without offering an explanation." Yagi stands there frozen, staring into his red eyes. "Pause," the voice hero instructs with his hands held out in front of him, palms facing Yagi. "You did say yes, didn't you?"

He had to have said yes. From listening to Shouta, he knew that his friend really enjoyed his time with Yagi. He realizes now that he should have noticed his friend's feelings for the the number one hero long before Shouta had told him. In fact it made sense for the two of them to be together.

They worked closely together teaching the next generation of heroes. Hizashi is also able to recall Yagi talking quite amiably about the afternoons spent at school with Shouta, the two of them thinking of numerous training exercises for the students or grading papers. He didn't know the details of how his friend had asked Yagi. Didn't want to because it would only make the pain worse, but for Shouta's sake Yagi needed to have said yes.

"I-I did," he answers finally. "But all I said was that I'd call him before he walked away."

Hizashi sighs in relief. The important part was they'd decided to get together and date. He could do this. He could be the loving and supportive friend watching from the sideline.

He beams at Yagi when he sets a plate of lasagna in front of him. While eating, the two of them brainstorm date ideas. Hizashi likes that Yagi is a simple man who knows that Shouta isn't the overly romantic and dating type. The two decide that lunch at a new cat cafe on the other side town would be appropriate for the pair. Shouta would gush over the felines, a side that Yagi had yet to see, and the blond...well he'd probably do what Hizashi liked to do.

He'll listen to the normally callous man talk excitedly about how he came to adopt Sorin. He'll admire the crease under his eyes when the man smiles and he'll fall for Shouta even more. He'll fall for his best friend and then they'll build a future together. They'll move on and he'll be left alone.

"Yamada?" The voice hero looks up at Yagi standing beside him, his hand resting on his shoulder. When had he gotten up from his seat? "You're shaking. Are you okay?"

Hizashi focuses on his body and forces himself to take slow deliberate breaths. This cannot be happening right now. He needs Shou- he needs to calm himself down. He can do this. He just needs to breath and ground himself to something. He looks back up to into Yagi's bright, but worried eyes, just like he does with Shouta.

He bites back his tears because that is the one thing he cannot let Yagi see. He can't let the man whom he admires, who his best friend admires, see just how emotionally distraught he really is.

Hizashi hates himself right now. He hates his best friend. Hates Yagi.

"I'm so sorry," Hizashi begins, trying to keep his voice steady, "I just remembered that the principal asked me to submit something before the day was over and I completely forgot. I need to get home and get it to him asap." It was lie, but right now Hizashi needed to get out and away from Yagi.

"Oh, well I guess you should get going then," he says defeatedly.

Hizashi picks up on Yagi's tone of voice and it hurts his heart even more than his own traitorous thoughts. He reaches up to hold the other blond's hand that's still resting on his shoulder. "Hey I'll make it up to," he offers, "After your perfect date, we can get together and you can tell me all about it so I can tease Shouta."

The statement brings a smile to his angular face but it doesn't reach his eyes. Hizashi feels like there's something more that the man wants to say, but instead of asking him to continue he just returns Yagi's smile and makes sure that it stays on his face until Yagi closes the door behind him. He stands there for a good minute before he breaks down. He turns to walk down the hall so that Yagi doesn't open the door to find him in tears.

He shouldn't be thinking this way. It's horrible. _He's_ horrible. He should feel honored that Yagi trusts his opinion to help him plan the perfect first date that Shouta will actually enjoy and smile at. And he is. He really is, but at the same time it hurt like hell that man he'd fallen for had asked for dating advice concerning his best friend that had just ended things with him.

It starts to rain and Hizashi stops in the middle of the sidewalk to look up at the sky, letting the fat drops hit his face. They'll hide his tears so that no one will notice that he ever cried in the first place. He pulls his hair back and ties it loosely just to keep it out of his face. He had taken the train to Yagi's place and though it'd be quicker to take the same route home, he decides to walk through the rain, which had picked up.

Maybe the rain will even wash away this negativity he's filled with. His hair and clothes are sticking to him now but he doesn't care. What he cares about is ridding himself of this jealousy. He doesn't think that he and Yagi would make a better couple, but he had thought (hoped) that they had a connection. Guess it was just all in his head.

When he gets home, he strips from his wet clothes and thinks about showering but finds that he just doesn't have the energy to complete the task. So he just throws his clothes into the bathroom and crawls into bed with red, tear-stained cheeks.

At least he was able to stay and help Yagi decide on where he and Shouta were going to go. He felt horrible about leaving so suddenly and with such a lame excuse, but he was having a panic attack and the only person who normally snapped him out of them wasn't around so he did what he was able to do for himself. He focused on something real, Yagi's eyes, until he'd calmed down and then got out of the environment that was causing the stress.

Hizashi stares at his alarm for what seems like forever. He's not tired and it's not that late. The two classes he taught would be gone for the week. He'd practically just been dumped by his best friend so that the man could date Yagi, whom he wanted to be with. The whole situation was a total shitshow and right now he just couldn't stay in bed. He huffs and throws the blankets aside. When was the last time he'd done something for himself? When was the last time he'd gone out and just enjoyed a night out?

Tonight Hizashi was done caring for someone that wasn't him. For just one night, he needed to let go and do something he hadn't done a long time. Like go out and enjoy the live music at one of his favorite bars he used to go to before he started teaching. He misses those days because everything was much simpler. Hell, everything before Yagi was much simpler. But tonight he wasn't thinking about him. No Yagi. No Shouta.

* * *

It's a quarter to ten when Hizashi locks his door and heads into town. Dressed in his favorite pair of skinny white-washed jeans, a black tee with white flowers and moons on his shoulders and freshly cleaned hair pulled up into a neat ponytail, because you had to be freshed faced if you were going to have a night on the town. Humming to the song only he can hear, Hizashi thinks excitedly about the music he's going to hear. He had no intentions of drinking or bringing anyone home. He just wants to listen to some undiscovered talent and enjoy the music. He's not looking for a one night stand that he knows he'll regret in the morning because his heart just isn't cut out for that kind of mess.

That didn't mean he could enjoy the view that came with the music. When the voice hero walks in, up on stage is a lithe looking man with short brown hair cut asymmetrically and piercing brown eyes, hanging off the mic. Hizashi glides over to the corner of the bar and settles in for the show. The man on stage was several years younger than he but he had very precise control over his voice that came only with years of voice lessons.

That was something the voice hero could relate to, though the singer's reason was most definitely different than his own. Hizashi leans back against the bar and settles in for the rest of the set. It's an interesting style; a fusion of bluegrass and rock and something he could listen to quite often. The variance in tempo keeps each song unique so that the set doesn't get stale. It's a good idea, for someone who's new to live performances.

That just means he's got a lot of room for growth. Growth meant moving forward. Moving forward was a good thing. The blond shakes his head at the thought and turns away from the stage as the crew clears their stuff. It was a good set. Guy has a lot of potential if he applies it properly.

Hizashi starts humming one of the songs that just been played, not noticing the brown hair beside him.

"It's a good thing that my song is stuck in your head, right?"

Hizashi cocks his head toward the smooth voice and looks into the dark eyes belonging to the singer that had been onstage only minutes ago.

"I'll admit that it was catchy," Hizashi jokes with a shrug, "but in all seriousness, it was a pretty good set."

The man smiles at him, a hint of red staining his cheeks. "Wow," he starts, "That means a lot coming from you."

Hizashi raises an eyebrow at the younger man and turns in his seat to face him. "What's that supposed to mean?" he questions.

The singer downs his drink and also turns to face Hizashi. "Well, you're Present Mic, Voice Hero and host of Hero Radio," he says with a sultry voice, "Any compliments from you mean the world to individuals like me."

"And just who are you?"

"The name's Saitei."

Hizashi is surprised by how forward the younger man is, but also admires his boldness. Normally _he's_ the bold one because it makes for a good emotional mask. No one ever thinks that the guy who knows everyone and how to make them smile is actually breaking on the inside.

There's an immediate connection between the two. The young singer offers to buy Hizashi a drink, but he keeps his head on straight and remains sober. Well, as far as alcohol goes. This man knows just what to say to his vulnerable mind that he can't keep himself from smiling like an idiot the entire time. The two sit through the next set, the younger man inquiring what's so special about the group currently onstage.

Hizashi gives his opinion, explaining that the current group is a house favorite, returning to where they started, which is why everyone is all smiles, singing, and dancing to the set. The singer's voice is a little strained, but she's got experience so she's letting her drummer take point as the star tonight. They've been at this for years and know how to read the crowd. The voice hero had featured the group on his show once before and was familiar with their work.

When he realizes that he's been babbling the whole time, Hizashi clamps his mouth shut, worried that he probably ruined this set for this guy. But Saitei smiles and encourages him to continue. Hizashi talks music until one in the morning and the place is nearly empty and all the while this man did more than just listen to him. He gave Hizashi his full attention, something that hadn't happened in a long time if he didn't count the nights he'd spent with Shouta.

"Tonight was fun, -"

"Please, Yamada is fine," Hizashi interrupts before he can continue.

"Okay then, Yamada," he corrects, "Tonight was fun and I'd like to see you again."

The voice hero opens his mouth but nothing comes out. It wasn't smart to pick someone up from a bar, but they weren't going home together. And seeing each other again didn't mean that they were dating, yet. This guy was attractive. He was funny. And tonight... he'd made Hizashi the center of his world as they talked music and performance techniques, something that he didn't have anyone to talk about with.

"I'd like that," he finally says.

After that night at the bar, he meets up with Saitei twice more before he asks Hizashi to date him. It'd only been two weeks since Shouta and Yagi had gotten together, but Hizashi is doing okay. Saitei calls him day and night when they aren't able to see each other just so that he can hear Hizashi's voice and let the voice hero know how beautiful he thinks that he is. He buys into those sweet words because they make him happy.

He was still a little hurt by everything and he couldn't be around Yagi because he kept thinking about that look the man had given him at dinner that night, but he was moving forward. He'd worked so hard in making sure that Yagi felt welcome and he really didn't want to lose him so he continued to invite him when the teachers all got together, but he mostly favored spending time with Shouta instead.

That was normal in a new relationship. Those slight rejections still hurt him but that hurt leads him to call his own boyfriend who knows just what to say to make the voice hero feel better and before he knows it, he's falling for him. It's too fast and his rational side is screaming at him to back off, but he's never been very good at listening to that part of his mind. Shouta was always the rational one.

Hizashi would be lying if he said that he didn't miss his best friend, but he could see that the man was all the happier being with Yagi. They really were a good match for each other and he felt like such an ass for almost getting in the way of that. Still, he really enjoys spending time with Saitei, going to rehearsals and his shows on the weekends. They even talk about the possibility of featuring him on his radio show, to give him some exposure for his shows.

Saitei is excited, showering Hizashi with compliments of him being the greatest boyfriend ever and how lucky he is to have him. That does the blond in and he says that he loves him. It was said in the moment and he tries to take it back but the younger man kisses him and says that he loves Hizashi too. He can't stop the tears because no one, besides Shouta, has said those three words to him in so long.

It's almost too good to be true.


	5. Chapter 5

Needless to say, when Shouta finds out about Saitei after Hizashi had already been with him for six weeks, he is none too pleased.

"How come I'm just now hearing about this boyfriend of yours Hizashi?" he whispers curtly during lunch one day.

"Because you've been spending a lot of time with Yagi," he answers with a shrug. "And it's not a huge deal," he adds nonchalantly.

"How is _you_ not telling me that you've been seeing someone for almost as long as I've been with Toshinori, not a big deal?" he growls.

"Toshinori? So how long have you two been intimate?"

The question catches Shouta off guard and the erasure hero ducks into his scarf. "We're not talking about me right now so be quiet." Shouta reaches over and gently grabs Hizashi hand. "Listen... I'm worried about you. I know that I'm terrible at showing it, but I care about you so much Hizashi and I just want to make sure that you don't get hurt."

Being with Yagi really was changing him. But he couldn't let himself be happy because what Shouta said just made Hizashi think him a hypocrite. The blond knows that his friend wasn't even aware that he'd hurt him, but that pain (his pain) was real and he couldn't just let that disappear because deep down he still wished that he had gotten the chance to be with Yagi. He also wished that Shouta would come over and hold him at night.

He liked Saitei, a lot. Enough to say that he loved him and even though Hizashi was a self-conscious and emotional wreck, he knew himself. The sweet talking singer would never be enough because he had too much love and affection to give that it was often seen as overbearing. And because of his caring nature he needed just as much affection in return, which was more than one lover could ever give him. But Saitei was a nice distraction for now. Who knows, perhaps he _could_ change and build a future of his own.

"Hizashi." Shouta says curtly, snapping the blond from his thoughts.

"Sorry, Shou," he says meekly, averting his gaze. "I was just thinking."

"Does he take care of you?" Shouta asks.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me," he answers.

"Stop saying that," the tired man growls. "I'm serious about this, Hizashi. Toshinori might be my partner, but _you_ are my best friend. He knows how important you are to me and I have to know that this guy is taking care of your needs."

Shouta's never been this long winded before and Hizashi can't help but to wonder if Yagi put him up to this. Maybe Shouta had said something to the other blond. Dammit. Two minutes ago he was forcing himself to remain pissed at the erasure hero and now all he wanted to do was complain about how all Saitei seemed to be interested in was his music.

Hizashi loved music just as much as his boyfriend and knew just how important it was to him, but some nights he just wanted to enjoy it while he graded papers and sipped on a glass of wine. He didn't want to always talk about the technical stuff behind what separated the decent artists from the great ones. Saitei never asked how his days were. He even voiced how kids and teenagers annoyed him and thought that the voice hero was wasting his time teaching. Hizashi understood though, not everyone liked kids and that was okay with him.

What was really starting to get to him about Saitei was that he assumed that because the voice hero had hosted him on his radio show, which was how Shouta found out that he even had a boyfriend, that he'd be able to do other favors for him. Like landing him a record deal. Hizashi did know some people and he had no qualms about introducing him to a few of them if they ever went to an event together, but he didn't feel comfortable trying to set up a meeting out of the blue.

Hizashi opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted by his phone ringing. "Sorry, I'm gonna take this," he says with his brightest smile and quickly walks out into the hall, leaving Shouta to stare after him.

"Hey babe-"

"Hizashi, did you call that friend of yours?"

His smile falls and he closes his eyes while shaking his head. "I'm at school, love" he sighs, "and I already told you that I can't."

"You can," the man says harshly, "Don't you love me?"

"Of course I do," he almost shouts but reigns in his voice. "Why would you even ask that?"

"Because I feel like you don't really want to support me," Saitei admits.

"Baby, please..." he pauses and swallows his tears, "Can you come over tonight? So we can talk?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"I lo-" the younger man hangs up before he can finish the phrase.

His hand holding the phone falls to his side and he just stands there for a minute, letting a few tears and broken sobs escape him. He tries to hold them back but it's no use. Hizashi turns down the hall, his destination the bathroom so that he can lock himself in a stall and just cry in some kind of privacy. When he rounds the corner he runs into someone much taller than he.

"I'm sorry- Yamada? What happened?" Yagi worriedly asks while holding the shorter blond steady.

"It's nothing. I-I'm fine," he stutters. "Please, let me go, Yagi."

The taller blond gives Hizashi the same defeated look he had when Hizashi left his place early the night they had dinner, but he does let go. Hizashi takes as step back and stands there waiting. For what, he doesn't know, but the voice hero looks up into Yagi's blue eyes and just stares into them. They remind of the Sky; clear with gentleness that seemed never ending.

"Yamada," he sighs.

Hizashi brushes past Yagi, leaving the man to stare after him. He's unable to hold in a few broken sobs as he hurries down the hall. He quickly locks himself into the corner stall, hoping that he'd made it far enough away and that Toshinori didn't hear him. That hope is crushed when the bathroom door opens and he hears it being locked.

"Go away," Hizashi whimpers.

"Did Shouta say something?" Yagi questions as he bends down to see exactly where Hizashi is hiding.

"So _you_ did ask him to talk to me?" he tries to scoff but it comes out as a hiccup.

"I'm only his boyfriend, Yamada," he says from the other side of the stall door, "You're his best friend and he's worried about you."

"He's just mad that I didn't that tell him about Saitei immediately."

Hizashi sniffles and wipes his eyes with his gloved hand as Toshinori sighs. If Shouta really cared, he wouldn't have needed Yagi to say anything to him. He would have come to Hizashi on his own. He should have come on his own because before he started dating Yagi he would have. Shouta would have known that as soon as he started seeing someone out of nowhere, something was wrong. Then again, had his best friend never started dating Toshinori in the first place he wouldn't have ever met Saitei.

"He really is worried about you."

"There's nothing to worry about, Yagi."

The taller man lets out another sigh then walks to the door. "You're a terrible liar, Yamada," he whispers then walks out and leaves Hizashi to cry on his own. Though he always made sure to keep his emotional walls up so that no one saw through him, Hizashi really was a terrible liar. Shouta had known as much since high school and the only way for Yagi to know was if he'd been told.

Shouta always pointed out when he could see Hizashi's walls crumbling. It broke him every time. But for Yagi to make such a comment meant that Shouta had talked about him to his boyfriend.

When he took a breath and thought about what the other blond was saying, he knew that he was right. No matter how many times he let his emotions tell him that Shouta didn't care, Hizashi knew that he did. He did a poor job of showing it most days and sometimes he didn't notice things right away, but in the past he'd always been there. Even when he was in a really bad place and didn't want anyone near him, Shouta would stay with him.

He didn't know what he was thinking anymore. He felt like he couldn't even trust his own thoughts or emotions because everything he felt was so extreme. As he steps from the stall and moves to wash his face, he thinks about how in a thirty minute time frame, he went from being angry with Shouta, to wanting to pour his heart out to the man. After Saitei had called and then pretty much hung up on him, he was hurting. With Yagi he just felt confused because the man made it seem like he cared about Hizashi but that he was also only concerned with him since he was Shouta's friend.

He was at a loss at what to do about this mix of everything. There was no way in hell that feeling all of this at once was healthy. To him it seemed that maybe feeling nothing would be better. Too bad that just wasn't possible.

* * *

By the time Saitei knocks on Hizashi's door, the blond is sprawled on the couch with a half empty bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table, a stack of essays beside it. He pushes himself up and lets out an audible sigh as he drags his feet to the door. He'd almost forgotten that he'd asked his boyfriend to come over. Six weeks together and he still hadn't given the singer a key to his place. He knew that he and younger man weren't going to last forever and if he were being honest, they probably wouldn't be together for much longer so he really didn't see a point.

He pulls the burnett into a heated kiss once the man steps inside and kicks the door closed. His boyfriend was normally the one to initiate any sort of physical and often denied Hizashi's advances, but tonight he was rather accepting. Perhaps he had something like this in mind when he agreed to come over tonight.

Saitei backs him up against the wall, grabbing his wrists and pinning them above his head. It actually wasn't often that they had sex and when they did, Hizashi's boyfriend never looked at him. So the fact that the voice hero's face wasn't pressed against the wall right now was a new feeling.

He didn't like it.

He didn't want to feel anything emotionally right now.

"Sai-" he hisses when the singer nips at the juncture where his shoulder and neck meet, bruised from wearing his gear. "Please, just fuck me, baby."

The younger grabs Hizashi by the shoulder and forces him to his knees, unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants just past his hips to free his half hard cock. "Since when do you make demands, slut?" he inquires as he grabs a fistful of the blond's hair and pulls him forward.

Hizashi reaches for the hand that's tangled in his hair and tries to pry it away. The effort proves to be useless as he has to focus on the cock being forced to the back of his throat so as not to choke on it. It isn't long before saliva is dripping down Hizashi's chin. Tears start to well in his red eyes from the sting of his hair being pulled so hard and from having his throat uncomfortably fucked. He had wanted the pain tonight, something to make him forget about his emotions for just a little while, but even that made him think of his best friend.

Shouta used to tug at his hair and leave marks of his own on Hizashi's skin. Even their last night together, he'd been a little more rough than what the blond was used to, but that was still nothing compared to how rough Saitei normally got with him. At first, the singer had been gentle, maybe even loving with him. But as the two spent more time together, Hizashi started see his true colors.

Said man pulls the voice hero off his cock and roughly pulls him to his feet, turning and pressing him against the wall, "Pants down. Now," he demands.

The singer's hands slip beneath his shirt and he drags his nails against Hizashi's chest, drawing a hiss from him as he slides his pyjama pants down to his knees. His boyfriend's hands leave him and part of him is relieved for the lack of contact. The drunken, horny part of his mind just wanted to be fucked. He didn't care how rough Saitei was tonight.

He started to get rougher in the bedroom. Half the time, they never even made it to the bedroom. Sai would just bend him over the couch or shove him against the wall. He loved to leave marks on Hizashi but wouldn't allow the blond to leave any of his own. He completely dominated the voice hero, which was something that Shouta had done as well. Though his best friend made him feel loved and always cared for him. Why did his mind always go back to Shouta?

Saitei just made him feel like he was nothing with the degrading names that he called Hizashi. He tried to play it off as dirty talk, but he knew that sex, even casual sex, wasn't meant to leave you hurting emotionally. Sex with someone you loved was meant to leave you feeling safe and whole.

"Sai!" he cries out when the man tries to force a finger inside of him. The tears that had gathered earlier spill over as he braces the wall and claws at it. The brunett continues to push the digit inside but it hurts so much that Hizashi resists and tries to push him away. Yes, he was desperate to be taken but not like this.

The younger man huffs and steps away from the voice hero, leaving him to slide to his knees as he rests his head against the wall. "The hell is wrong with you tonight?"

With his hair hanging on either side of his face, Saitei can't see the tears staining Hizashi's cheeks. He can't say anything right now. The man walks away from him and when he hears his bedroom door slam, Hizashi breaks down. Was this really all he could hope for in a relationship? Was this the best he was ever going to get?

Nothing changes between Hizashi and the singer over the next couple of weeks, except that maybe the singer stays at his place more often. His boyfriend, if he could even still be called that, hardly touches him and when he does, Hizashi is left sore and unsatisfied. At least the degrading names had stopped and he's no longer asking the voice hero for favors. In fact, Saitei isn't speaking to him at all.

Neither is Shouta. At least not at school, which is okay because Hizashi doesn't need his peers or students to know about what's going on in his personal life. Yagi on the other hand is quite the opposite and it's driving both the voice and erasure heroes crazy. Shouta knows that what Hizashi needs to be left alone right now but Yagi doesn't and the voice hero cares about the other blond too much to push him away. Even in this broken emotional state of his, he's worried about hurting someone else.

But for Yagi and Shouta's sake he should have done just that because as he's headed home one day, he overhears a heated conversation between the two of them.

"I'm sorry, Shouta, but there is something wrong with him," he growls, "How can you act like everything is fine?"

"Hizashi is my best friend, Toshinori," he responds curtly, "Of course I know that something is wrong with him."

They were arguing because of him? Hizashi hangs around the corner and continues to listen the two of them, hoping that just maybe he was hearing things. He was grateful that Shouta was trying to protect him, though if the man's relationship was going to suffer as a result, he didn't want to be protected. He couldn't handle being the possible reason that things ended between the two of them.

"I just don't understand why _you're_ being distant with him," Yagi sighs.

"You're right. You don't understand, but trust me. He needs the distance right now."

"I do trust you, Shouta. You know him far better than I," the other blond says sadly.

"Toshinori, you're not being fair," Shouta sighs.

"You're not being fair. I was honest about my feelings from the beginning-"

"I know," he snaps, "I know, Sunflower. I want to talk to him, but he's with someone."

Hizashi can hear the defeat in Shouta's voice and wishes that he could step around the corner because he knows how to make that go away. He shouldn't be here though. This was a private conversation between Shouta and Yagi and even though it was obviously about _him_ he feels bad for intruding, no matter how curious he might be to know exactly what it is the pair is talking about.

Quietly, he steps away from the wall and goes back in the direction he'd just come from. He had planned to stay late and finish up the end of term English exams since finals were right around the corner. But after hearing the two of them somewhat argue over something that involved him, he was suddenly drained of all energy. All he wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed.

He pauses at the front steps of the main building and sighs, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back to face the sky. Saitei was at his apartment meaning there would be no peace to find there. Hizashi would walk in, probably find his fridge empty. His boyfriend would be in a shitty mood and he'd just end up feeling worse. His only options were to either spend another night dealing with the singer's abuse or go back inside and hope that Shouta and Yagi were gone.

Tears start to well and he keeps his eyes tightly shut so that they don't fall. It felt like all he'd done lately is cry and feel sorry for himself. Hizashi still couldn't believe that things had turned out this way. Falling in love with Yagi had never been his intention, but that's what had happened. He'd grown fond of him while the other blond had eyes for his best friend, resulting in _him_ being without either man that he cared for.

The worst part was that he had no one to blame, except himself. Though it wasn't really his fault either. This was all just a shitty turn of events. The part of himself that always cared too much was barely there. He could feel that there was still a little compassion within him yet, because when he thought about Saitei, he _wanted_ to feel sorry for the singer. In his own way, Hizashi had used the younger man to try and ease the pain of indirect rejection by the two.

But the younger man had done a number on him and Hizashi just couldn't feel any sympathy for the man. Though he no longer felt anything but disgust for the man, he hadn't been able to bring himself to rid Saitei from his life. As long as the younger man was willing to stick around he'd let him because he'd live through the abuse. If the brunett left now, Hizashi would break for sure. The feeling of abandonment and loneliness would kill him.

He sniffles then lets out a choked sob and listens as the approaching footsteps stop a few feet behind him. Right on cue, Shouta shows up to save him in the nick of time.

Hizashi turns around to see his friend frown at him then avert his eyes, which makes him cry harder. Aizawa Shouta never looked away from anyone like that, so for him to do just that made the blond feel embarrassed beyond belief. He makes a move to leave, but before he's able to take the first step Shouta reaches forward and grabs his hand.

The voice hero looks down at their joined hands as the man intertwines their fingers.

"Hizashi, come over?" he asks, pulling him back.

He just silently nods and allows Shouta to walk him towards the station as they head to the erasure hero's apartment.


	6. Chapter 6

Hizashi can't help but feel nervous when he steps into Shouta's apartment. It's been a minute since he'd been over as they would normally go to Hizashi's place whenever they spent a night together. The dark-haired man claimed that he was more comfortable there, than at his own sparingly furnished apartment. In fact, the last time he'd been over was when Shouta was still wrapped in bandages after the attack on the USJ.

Before they got to his place, Shouta had stopped to pick up some food for the two of them. Hizashi had been silent for the most part, save for asking him where his partner was. The blond was informed that Toshi, as Shouta preferred to call him, was spending the evening with detective Naomasa and would be late in coming over.

While Shouta takes the food into the kitchen, Hizashi slips his jacket off, then makes a beeline for the bathroom to remove his speaker from around his neck before anything else. He'd come up with the design for the equipment himself and it had been made to be as comfortable as possible, but damn thing still left bruises on his skin. He leans toward the mirror and reaches for them, lightly tracing the fading yellow blemishes. Fingers barely sitting on his skin, Hizashi stares into his eyes and frowns.

He normally wore a touch of makeup to brighten his face because he hated how tired he looked without it. The tired look just didn't go with the upbeat and social mask that he always wore to school and such. It had grown hard to force himself to put it on every morning over the past few weeks, but he'd been able to push through this slump he was in so that no one noticed. If no one noticed that he was an emotional mess, then they would treat him like they always did which helped him to feel a little normal.

Hizashi pulls his hands from his neck and turns on the water. He splashes his face then runs his wet hands through his hair until the product is mostly out and it falls lax so he can tie it up. He blinks the water from his eyes when Shouta knocks on the door.

"Hizashi, come out and eat?"

He smiles slightly at the question and wonders just how much of Shouta's gentle side Yagi has gotten to see. The voice hero had only ever seen it when his friend took care of him after he hit rock bottom like this. He shuts off the water and dries his hands, then turns to the door with his speaker in hand.

Shouta is settled on the couch with a bottle of wine and the disposable food containers sitting on the coffee table. He's changed out of his jumpsuit and into a pair of black sweatpants and a pink hoodie. The dark-haired man picks up his glass and takes a sip while looking at his phone — probably at some cat video. Hizashi snickers at him as he sets his speaker onto the table, causing Shouta to look up at him.

Hizashi watches him set his phone on the corner of the table, farthest from where he's sitting and motions for the voice hero to do the same. He does as silently instructed, but not before chancing a glance at the device to several texts and missed calls from Sai. He bites his lip, considering whether or not he should let him know that he'll be late.

Shouta clears his throat and Hizashi looks up from his phone. The blond smiles down at him and steps closer to sit on the opposite side of the couch. His eyes never leave Shouta's as he reaches across the table to place his phone face down beside the other man's, earning him a smirk and a glass of wine which he happily takes.

Thanks to the wine and Shouta distracting him, Hizashi momentarily forgets about being sad, pathetic, and alone. The erasure hero entertains Hizashi while they eat and drink, letting him ask all about Yagi and their relationship. The blond confesses that he had helped the older man decide on a place to take Shouta for their first date. The man doesn't look the least bit surprised to hear that but it makes him smile, which makes Hizashi smile.

Once two wine bottles are empty and the food is eaten, Shouta occupies himself with cleaning up a little. Hizashi pulls his legs as closely to his chest as he can given the jeans he's wearing and waits for the man to return to the couch. Waiting for Shouta to ask his questions. It's only fair given that he'd let Hizashi be nothing but nosy since leaving school grounds.

"Hizashi, what happened?" Shouta asks gently from behind the couch..

The voice hero has to think, his smile fading as he thinks about what he wants to say. There's a lot that he wants to say but there's a time and place for most of it and that place isn't here. Not now.

"Okay, what prompted you to date again? Was it due to me ending our arrangement? Was that something you'd wanted the whole time—"

"NO!" he shouts, causing the room to shake a little. Shouta stares at Hizashi, eyes glowing. Hizashi feels his breath stolen from him and lets out a strangled cough. His phone vibrates on the table, causing his friend to look away from him and allowing his quirk to return.

Shouta picks up the phone and narrows his eyes at the screen. Hizashi's shoulders relax when his phone stops vibrating and the screen goes dark.

A second later though it lights up again and he hangs his head.

"I'm am idiot, Shou..." he finally mumbles as he watches the man slide a finger across the screen to ignore the call.

Shouta shifts closer to the visibly distressed blond, reaching for his hands. "Talk to me, Hizashi."

So he finally does.

He tells Shouta that when he met Sai, he made a bad call in giving the younger man his number. He confesses that he had come up with a lame excuse to leave Yagi's place after helping him decide where he and Shouta should go on their first date. How he let that tiny seed of jealousy blossom into a toxic flower and he did something stupid. He assures Shouta that he'd been smart at the bar. He didn't have a drop of alcohol and he didn't go home with Sai.

Shouta tells him that it didn't matter that he was sober. It was still a bad call to let himself get roped into by a pretty face saying pretty things to him. It hurts to hear that from his friend but he knows that he's being told for his own good. Still, it doesn't stop him from crying. Shouta is patient with Hizashi though. He gives the blond time to breath and collect himself before asking him more about his relationship with Sai.

Hizashi continues answering Shouta's questions, informing him that Sai wasn't so bad in the beginning. He knew that being with Sai wasn't going to be forever, but also hadn't expected that he man would have been so manipulative and borderline abusive. That word makes Shouta narrow his eyes once more and the blond clamps his mouth shut, realizing what a mistake it was to use that word.

"What has he done, Hizashi?" Shouta demands.

"Nothing, Shou-"

"Enough with the damn excuses! Why are you protecting him?"

"I'm protecting myself, Shouta."

"That makes no fucking sense," Shouta argues.

"To you it wouldn't," Hizashi sighs, "though given how long we've known each other I thought that maybe you would. At least a little."

Watery red eyes meet Shouta's wide, surprised ones and neither say anything for a solid minute. The seconds tick by and the only sounds in the room are Hizashi's choked sobs and Sorin's soft mewls as the cat jumps into the blond's lap to sniff at his tear-stained cheeks.

"He's no good for you Hizashi," Shouta whispers, a small smile in his voice as he watches his cat nuzzle against the man. "Why haven't you left him?"

Hizashi says nothing and continues to let the feline comfort him. His phone begins to vibrate on the table again and Shouta rolls his eyes. "Just ignore it, Shou."

"How can I when you flinch every time it goes off?" he scoffs, "How do I know that he's not hurting you, Hizashi?"

"Because I'd never let it get that far," he says calmly. Not that he'd be able to hide something like that due to how easily he bruised already.

Shouta eyes the bruises on Hizashi's neck and places a finger under his chin, prompting the man to lift his head. He does so and stares at the ceiling when he feels the couch shift as Shouta leans closer. He shivers at the scratchy feel of the man's five o'clock shadow.

"I'm sorry," he breathes against the yellow marks.

"Shouta, stop."

"Leave him," he sighs then trails kisses up Hizashi's jaw. The voice hero hums in appreciation and slides his hands up Shouta's waist, holding him close as the dark-haired man continues to kiss him. "Leave him and come be with Toshinori and I," he adds.

The offer makes Hizashi pause and he pushes Shouta just far enough away to look into his eyes. This wasn't really happening. It couldn't be, because that would just be too perfect. This was Shouta letting his emotions get the better of him because he was probably still annoyed with Toshinori after their argument earlier. He was just needing to blow of steam.

As much as Hizashi wished to take care of Shouta, he couldn't allow himself to be used anymore. Not even by his best friend who he cared so much for.

The blond brings a hand to Shouta's cheek and ghosts his thumb over the crescent moon scar. "This isn't you, babe. You're with Yagi..." he pauses and watches Shouta's face fall. "We can't. I can't," he continues and pushes the man away.

"Hizashi..."

"This isn't funny, Shouta," he says sternly.

"And this isn't a joke," he snaps and shakes his head in disbelief.

"Isn't it though?!" he questions and stands up. "I know you, Shouta, and this," he motions between them, "this isn't you."

"Exactly what do you think _this_ is, Hizashi?"

"I don't know what to think anymore." And he didn't.

He thought this moment with Shouta was just the man needing to relax, but the look in his friend's eyes told him that there was something more. Something that he wasn't saying. That he couldn't say because Shouta has never been able to properly convey his emotional thoughts. It was too much and Hizashi couldn't deal right now. He needed to get out. Before he broke down.

Hizashi backs away from Shouta then turns on his heel. As he's slipping his arms into the sleeves of his jacket, Shouta grabs the blond's phone and holds it hostage. He rolls his eyes at the shorter man and folds his arms across his chest.

"Shouta..."

"Would you just listen to me?"

"No," Hizashi responds curtly.

"If not me, then stay and listen to Toshinori," Shouta pleads, "Just... don't go back to that piece of shit."

"Listen to me say what?" they hear from the front door.

Toshinori is standing there, blinking between the two.

The world freezes around Hizashi when taller blond looks into his eyes and it's suddenly hard for him to breath.

"Shouta, let me have my phone," Hizashi says with a says with shaky voice. The man clutches the device to his chest. "I'm sorry Yagi, he brought me over and we got to talking..."

"Yamada, you don't need to apologize or explain anything to me," Toshinori says gently.

Hizashi falls silent after that as he watches the older man walk over and sit on the couch beside Shouta. Toshinori leans in close to whisper to Shouta and Hizashi walks over to the front door to put his boots on. He's unable to hear anything save for a few outbursts from Shouta saying that he was worried and had tried to explain things which he obviously failed at doing. A small smile creeps onto his face and he shakes his head as he walks back to the two men on the couch. The whole situation was beyond crazy at this point.

Shouta was being emotional. He was trying to rationalize things. And Toshinori... Toshinori was, well be was a symbol of peace between the two of them right now. Hizashi wasn't quite sure what would have happened had he not shown up when he did.

He smiles at Toshinori, though it's a sad one, and stops in front of the pair. The man nudges Shouta and he looks up at Hizashi, jaw locked.

Hizashi leans down, lips just shy of grazing his ear. "Shou, you don't have to worry about me," he whispers, "I'm going to be okay."

"But you're not okay right now and if you go back home-"

"Shouta enough," Toshinori interjects, giving Hizashi an apologetic smile, "This isn't how we're going to do this. Let him leave."

Hizashi wonders what Toshinori is talking about as Shouta finally hands him his phone, but doesn't ask. He hates to leave the dark-haired man in this state but reminds himself that Toshinori is with him. He'll talk some sense into Shouta.

He turns from them, phone in hand, and continues to the door. He remembers to grab his speaker on the way out and when he reaches the door, he pauses and looks back to see Shouta watching him.

"You'd call if something happened? If you needed me?" he asks.

Hizashi looks away before answering. Normally he would, but what was wrong with him was something that he needed to resolve on his own.

"Of course, Shou."

When he steps outside, the tears start falling and he thinks back to the night he left Toshinori's. How he had stood outside his apartment and cried too. That night was when this whole mess started because he couldn't handle the fact that the two men he cared for and loved had fallen for each other. That they had walked away from _him_. He'd acted rashly the night he met Sai and now... he needed to fix things. For himself.


	7. Chapter 7

The voice hero's apartment is dark when he gets home, so he quietly leaves his speaker and phone in the living room and heads to the bedroom. Saitei is comfortably settled into the middle of his bed and he has to bite his tongue to keep from shouting at him to wake his sorry ass up.

Hizashi had a soft and sensitive side, but he could also be vindictive when he needed to be. He could hold a grudge if he wanted to. He could hurt others the way they hurt him.

With an idea already forming, he hangs his jacket up then pulls his shirt over his head as he walks over to the bed. The sheets are pushed down around Saitei's waist, leaving his chest exposed, so as the blond gets into bed, he crawls over his soon to be ex and begins to trail kisses from the man's hips, up his sternum, all the way to his neck.

When he reaches the younger man's jaw, he finally begins to stir beneath him. He doesn't wake up immediately, just soft moans as Hizashi brushes his lips over the man's skin. A smug smile forms and the blond hums in delight when the man beneath him glides his hands up his waist and all the way to tangle into his hair. When he feels the faintest tug at the roots, he opens his mouth and scrapes his teeth along Sai's jaw and bites him.

"Hizashi," the man hisses.

The sound goes straight to his cock and he grinds against him. "Mmm, you like that babe?"

Saitei nods.

Hizashi takes the man's wrists, removing them from his hair and guiding them to rest just above his head. He drags his nails down the length of Saitei's arms, leaving thin red lines on the pale skin and continues to sharply nip at the man's chest. Saitei attempts to lift his hips to meet Hizashi's but with the blond's weight on the blankets he's unable to move at all.

The blond just smirks when the singer looks down at him with pleading eyes, ignoring him in favor rolling one of his nipples between his teeth.

"Fuck. Not so hard," Saitei pants and throws his head back against the pillows..

"What's wrong? Can't handle what you dish out, baby?" Hizashi scoffs then grounds his hips into the younger's blanketed ones.

"Nnn get this shit off of me," Saitei growls as he moves his hands to push Hizashi away so he can free his legs.

But the voice hero has different plans and stops him, holding his wrists with a bruising grip. Now Hizashi didn't think of himself to be physically strong by any stretch of the imagination, but for this he would be. He looks down into Saitei's eyes now that the man has started to become short of breath. They're wide and glazed over like they normally are when he's horny and worked up, but there's also the faintest trace of fear there.

Before they'd ever slept together the two had established that Sai had never been a bottom and no interest in experiencing it, which was well and fine with Hizashi. Occasionally, he and Shouta would mix things up but since Hizashi loved taking care of others before himself, he preferred to be taken and used.

Not tonight though. The point of tonight was to push the young singer beyond what he could handle. To hurt the man and drive him away so that he had no interest in wanting to ever come back.

With Sai's wrists pinned to his sides, Hizashi leans back down to bite at him. At this point, the younger man starts to cry out in real pain when his skin is pinched between the blond's teeth and he struggles to free himself. Hizashi pours everything he's got into keeping him pinned down though. Reminding himself that Saitei deserves to feel this pain, even though it'll never compare to what he's made Hizashi feel.

"Dammit, let me up Hizashi," he demands.

"Not tonight Saitei. This is _my_ show," Hizashi coos, relishing in how panicked the singer sounds.

"This isn't funny. Get the fuck off of me."

"Why? I'm enjoying this," he teases.

Saitei twists his wrists about, grabbing onto Hizashi's and digs his nails into them. Hizashi tries his best, but he can feel the skin start to break and loses his hold. The man beneath him seizes the moment and flips their positions. For a moment the voice hero is worried about what the younger man might do to him, but the rush of hormones when Saitei begins to bite back at him cloud his thinking.

His eyes flutter closed and he imagines that it's Shouta marking him up. Even though they were never a couple, the erasure hero took pride in leaving too many marks on Hizashi every now and again. Some nights the man had just needed something, someone, to be his and his alone. And Hizashi had always been more than willing to be Shouta's.

After the night he'd had, sex would be a nice release. But the feeling isn't right because Shouta isn't the man above him, leaving open-mouthed kisses on Hizashi's hips as he unzips his jeans. Saitei doesn't pull them down though. Instead, he kisses his way up Hizashi's chest, the man's hands trailing up the side of his waist.

Saitei settles himself between Hizashi's spread legs and the blond wraps them around his thighs. He's always thought that Sai's hands were soft and loved the feel of them gliding along his skin, but tonight he misses the rough, calloused pads of Shouta's fingers tracing each and every unsightly scar he'd ever received. He misses that roguish voice, wanton and desperate, whispering 'I love you' as he reaches his end.

No matter how upset he was with the erasure hero, he could never totally shut the man out. That wasn't who _he_ was. He didn't know who he was anymore which meant only one thing: he'd finally hit rock bottom. This was as low as he could get and even though up was the only he could go, it wasn't going to be easy.

With his mind focused on Shouta, he'd gone soft and was no longer in the mood, but Saitei still was and continued his ministrations on the man. Hizashi attempts to push the man off of him, not rough like he had been just minutes ago, but he's ignored. He tries again, with more force and when Saitei pulls back to look down at him, Hizashi sees that he's not going to stop. He's far too invested in the act that _he_ started and was going to see it through.

He'd told himself earlier that he was done being used by others but this was something that his own fucked up mind had caused.

Hizashi takes a deep breath and stares at the ceiling as Saitei takes his wrists and holds them above his head. The blond feels like vomiting and his skin is crawling as the man's hands slide down his arms and across his chest until they reach his hips. He doesn't move yet for fear that he might accidentally trigger the man and cause him to try something really awful.

The younger man slides his hands back up Hizashi's torso and lets them linger at his neck. The voice hero freezes because Saitei knows how sensitive he is. How easily he scars and bruises. There's no possible way that the man would consider choking him, even just a little because he'd been told that was a deal breaker. His voice was everything to him and so far the only individuals he'd ever give it up for were Shouta and the students.

He's truly surprised when Sai wraps his hands around him. He squeezes his eyes shut and prays to whatever higher being may exist that he doesn't squeeze, not even the tiniest bit because given everything that he'd been put through due to the singer's mistreatment, he was still a civilian and doesn't want to hurt him. At least not with his quirk.

Hizashi is afraid. Behind closed lids, his red eyes sting with fresh tears and he can't stop himself from snifflling because he doesn't want snot running down his face as well. But just that was enough to set the man above him off and apply the slightest bit of pressure.

The voice hero reacts without hesitation, arms shooting down to one of the man's elbows that are locked. Hizashi wraps one of his in the inner side and makes a fist with his free hand. He closes his eyes and counts to three, then smashes his fist against it. Given their positions, there's not enough force for him to break the arm, but it's enough to cause Saitei a hint of pain so that he loosens his grip.

It's just enough leeway for Hizashi to push him off, causing him to lose balance and fall to the floor. Instinctively, his hands go to his neck to protect it from further damage. Hizashi rolls off the bed and walks around to the other side, one hand still soothing the pain of his neck. Saitei is on his side, holding the arm that the voice hero had pathetically punched, groaning in pain.

The blond just scoffs and bends down to pull him to his feet by the hair. The singer winces and cries out but the yell could be considered a whisper to Hizashi's ears.

"I don't want to see your sorry ass ever again,"he growls when they reach his front door.

"Wait, I'm sorry Hizashi. Please don't do this—"

"I'm done! This was a fucking mistake and I'm an idiot for letting it get this far."

He opens the door and shoves Saitei's half naked body outside. The younger man turns to look at Hizashi and for a second the blond thinks he might beg to be allowed to stay but a scowl quickly forms on the man's face. He shuts the door and turns the deadbolt, stepping away from it when the younger man bangs against it.

"Don't make me laugh, Hizashi. _You_ didn't let anything about us get far. You were lucky to have had me stay for as long as I did," he yells from the other side.

Hizashi ignores him and rushes back to his bedroom, removing his remaining clothes on the way. He closes and locks both his bedroom door and then his bathroom door before stepping into the shower.

"Shit," he hisses when the freezing water starts beating his skin.

Not moving from under the stream, Hizashi reaches for his body wash and pumps out way too much onto his hands. Most of it is washed away before being worked into a lather, but he rubs the unscented soap into skin, from his face all the way down to his toes, to rid himself of the dirty feeling he got from when Saitei was on top of him.

After scrubbing his body from head to toe three times, Hizashi finally works with his hair that had become a rat's nest since he'd gotten home. He continues to stand under the running water even after the conditioner had rinsed from his hair, afraid to step out and look at himself in the mirror. He doesn't want to see the marks that Sai had left on him. He doesn't want to think about him anymore. He doesn't want to stay in his own apartment tonight even though he's gone.

So he decides that he won't.

Hizashi shuts the water off and wraps his hair in a towel before drying off the rest of his body. He faces away from the mirror as he does so and doesn't return to the bathroom until after he's dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater that covers his neck. The voice hero observes his appearance, making sure that nothing is visible so that if he's woken up by another teacher arriving, they won't be suspicious .

It's not ideal, but there's no way he can go back to Shouta tonight because he'll assume the worst. He also still doesn't know how to act around Yagi. Hizashi wants to appreciate that the other blond worries about him just as much as his best friend. He wants to be given a chance to tell the man how he feels. How he's felt since before he and Shouta got together.

When he reaches the school, he goes to the teacher's lounge and grabs the sleeping bag that Shouta keeps in one of the cabinets. It smells like the erasure hero, which helps to lull Hizashi to sleep as he repeatedly asks himself: What now?


	8. Chapter 8

"Yamada," he hears someone whisper. His back hurts and the lighting in the room burns even though his eyes are still closed. "Yamada, wake up," the voice says a bit more urgently.

"Let me sleep."

When he hears the chuckle, Hizashi knows that it's Toshinori who's stirred him. That's a nice thing to imagine: waking up to the taller man's voice. And then the reality settles in that it's Toshinori in the lounge right now which meant that Shouta had to be at the school already as well. His eyes snap open and he shoots up, greeted by the blond's bright smile that he's missed seeing so much. It wasn't fair to be teased by such a sight right now.

"Shouta? Where is—"

"He's probably only just leaving his apartment now," the blond answers before Hizashi can finish his question.

The voice hero sighs in relief and rests his head on his knees, several loose hairs covering his face. Toshinori reaches forward to brush the strands behind Hizashi's ear, still smiling at him as he turns his head and open his red eyes. His fingers linger on Hizashi's cheek for a moment and they sit silently for a moment, just staring at one another until Hizashi immediately feels just as he did when Toshinori was near before Shouta had asked him out.

"I'm not going to ask questions right now because I'm sure you don't want to look like this when Shouta gets here, but I do wonder if we might be able to talk at some point?"

Hizashi had known that it was likely he'd be discovered by someone this morning and that word would get back to Shouta for sure. However, seeing as it was Shouta's boyfriend who had woken him, maybe he could keep this under wraps for a little while.

"Can I trust you, Yagi?"

Hizashi can see the hurt in his eyes, but he needs to hear him say it. Just that simple affirmation is all he's asking for.

"You can trust me, Yamada," he answers and takes one of Hizashi's hands in his.

The physical contact is comfortable, though perhaps a little inappropriate.

"Promise me that you won't tell Shouta that you found me here this morning and I'll answer anything you want to know," he says and gently squeezes the hand holding his.

"Yamada, I don't know..."

"I hurt him last night, Yagi," Hizashi sighs and looks down at their joined hands, "And I lied because I never had any intention of calling him for help. I couldn't face him and I knew that by coming here instead of going to him was only going to hurt him more." He pauses to look up into Toshinori's eyes, which are fixed on him.

"You're right, Yamada," he says, "but you can't shut him out forever. He _needs_ you in his life more than you realize."

"But I'm not me right now," Hizashi counters, "No one needs this mess I've become."

For the slightest moment the voice hero thinks that Toshinori might continue this pointless argument, but the man looks down at his phone and sighs. "You better go get changed, Shouta's almost here."

Hizashi doesn't look at nor say anything as he slips out of the banana yellow sleeping bag. Toshinori probably thought that he was being childish and was planning to go tell Shouta right now. But as he's returning the sleeping bag from where he took it, the taller blond steps behind him and wraps his arms around Hizashi's shoulders.

He freezes and what little of his emotional wall he was able to build overnight crumbles to dust.

"You can't do this, Yagi," he says, voice hitching when the man's name falls from his lips.

"I can and I will," Toshinori retorts.

His mind flashes to the closeness he once had with the other blond. How easily they had befriended one another. He thinks about that night in Shouta's hospital room, how it had been then that Hizashi had started to realize just how he felt about Toshinori. They'd grown closer because of how they both cared for the erasure hero. He'd really fallen for Toshinori when he saw that he cared about Shouta just as much as he did.

"I should really go change now," he says sheepishly, suddenly aware of the lack of space between them.

"Oh, right." Toshinori unwraps his arms from the voice hero and steps back to allow him room to leave. "You'll find me after finals are done for the day?"

Hizashi turns to smile at him at the door, red eyes watery, but for the first time in several weeks they aren't tears of sadness or frustration and his smile doesn't feel fake.

He makes it to the locker rooms without incident and begins to dress in his usual attire, pausing for only a moment to look at the bruises on his neck. He moves to brush his fingers over the darkened handprint shaped marks but stops to remind himself that Saitei is gone. That he won't ever be back to hurt him. Still, he was unnerved by the fact that he had genuinely cared for someone who was content to hurt him in such a manner, knowing how important his voice was.

He shakes his head to rid those thoughts from his mind and instead thinks about just what he's going to say to Toshinori. He also can't help but wonder if the blond is with Shouta right now, telling him about their encounter. He really hopes not because if he is, the erasure hero will undoubtedly confront Hizashi later in the day. If he's upset enough, Shouta might even pull him aside during lunch.

He sees Shouta only once throughout the day and it's in passing as the voice hero steps inside classroom 1-A for English. The dark-haired man offers no greeting when he steps inside. Doesn't even glance at Hizashi when he walks past or as he slides the door closed once he's in the hallway. Like normal, Shouta is unreadable to the world around him and if Hizashi didn't know him as well as he did, then he too would have no clue as to what was on the erasure hero's mind.

But the silent treatment told the voice hero everything he needed to know. That he too needed space. Space to think due to how undone he'd become. As distant and aloof as he appeared, Shouta was only human and could only handle so much emotional stress before he cracked. And he always seemed to crack when it came to him.

Each time, Hizashi felt guilty and each time Shouta would tell him that he'd only gotten so worked up because he cared and felt that he was useless. That he'd been frustrated with himself because he didn't think that he was helping. He'd never been the best with emotional comfort but he had always tried for Hizashi's sake which he appreciated, even though he knew that the erasure hero just didn't understand most of the time.

When lunch rolls around, the voice hero is really regretting his decision to sleep at the school. The muscles in his lower back are sore and though he's used to how his speaker digs into his skin a little, it's more than a little uncomfortable after what happened with the singer followed by a night of not being properly supported as he slept. He has half a mind to remove the device to let the bruises breath, but there's far too many people about and he doesn't feel like spending the entire hour locked in the bathroom. He already has to skip the midday meal so he can finish preparing the English exams as finals began in only a few days.

When the day is over, Mic is the first to arrive to the conference room, remembering that Shouta and the principal had asked a number of several other teachers for their help in the practical exams for the first year hero course students. The meeting doesn't last long as Shouta barely allows Principal Nedzu to get a word in.

Given the attack that had happened at the beginning of the term and also looking at the performances from the sports festival, the erasure hero is convinced that neither class has anything to gain by using the old method of facing bots. His idea has assigned pairs facing off against a specific teacher based on a number of things that Hizashi is sure Shouta looked over several times before coming to his final decisions.

After the man has explained and informed the other teachers who they will be assigned to, he hands them each a file to be looked over. The voice hero isn't surprised by the pair that's been assigned to beat him, which makes him feel sorry for them. It'll be an uphill battle for each pair, but he knows that there are a couple of teachers, one being himself, that will prove to be far more challenging than the others given the nature of their quirks.

As the others file out of the room, Hizashi remains seated and flips through the file he'd been handed. He has to force himself to pay more attention it rather than the hushed whispers at the door. From the corner of his eye he can see that it's Toshinori and Shouta and his stomach drops. Had the other blond cracked and told Shouta about this morning? He takes a deep breath, wincing at how the action slightly moves the speaker around his neck, and prepares himself because even though Shouta hadn't said a word to him to all day, if he knew what had happened with Saitei the previous night he'd definitely have more than one thing to say to the voice hero.

But it's not Shouta's voice he hears after another minute of listening to the whispers.

"Yamada, shall we head out?" Toshinori asks, head cocked to the side as he smiles down at him.

Hizashi looks up at him and then to the door. Shouta is still there, staring straight at him and he flinches at the hard gaze. The action makes the dark-haired man slump his shoulders and turn away from the blonds. His chest tightens and he gets up to go after him, but Toshinori grabs his arm.

"If you go after him now, you'll have to tell him everything," the man states, causing Hizashi to pause, "Are you prepared for that?"

"I don't know," the voice hero admits, "but he's upset—"

"With me, Yamada."

The voice hero pulls from Toshinori's grip and turns on him. "What do you mean?" he snaps.

"I asked him to trust me."

"Why wouldn't he trust you?" The taller blond runs a hand through his hair, sighing and closing his eyes. When he opens them he looks into Hizashi's for a moment before shaking his head. "You told him that he should wait at home, while you spend your evening with another man... again," he teases and smirks.

The voice hero laughs as Toshinori's hollowed cheeks flush a bright shade of red. It's genuine laugh, one that brings him to tears.

"I'm only trying to help, Yamada," he tries to explain.

"No, you just want to ask about what you saw this morning," he says dryly, mood suddenly turning sour. Hizashi grabs up his file from the table and turns on his heel, leaving Toshinori alone in the middle of the room.

"Yamada, please wait," the taller man pleads.

The hurt in the man's voice brings to him to a stop.

"Listen, I stayed here last night because my place feels dirty and I just wasn't in the mood to clean it after I'd gotten home..." he pauses to look back at Toshinori who has his arms folded over his chest, waiting to hear the part that Hizashi really doesn't want to talk about. "I kicked Saitei out last night too."

"Is he really gone?" he questions, voice full of doubt.

"You saw the bruises on my neck, of course he's gone," he sobs, only just noticing the tears that had welled up. The voice hero listens as Toshinori walks over to stand behind him, acutely aware of close he tries to get. He turns to face him and holds out his hand to keep the taller blond an arm's length away. "Why are you two doing this?" he whispers barely loud enough for Toshinori to hear.

"What do you mean?"

Hizashi honestly hadn't meant for those words to leave his mouth, but the question had been on his mind since Shouta had first confronted him about his now ex. Sure, he hadn't been the most open and his friend had been lost in his own relationship, but had six weeks really gone by before either man had thought to say something to him? For him, not a day had gone by where he didn't think about the two of them.

They'd been bitter thoughts at the time, but Hizashi had known how he felt about each he'd wanted to be more than just a close friend to the both of them. He wanted to be with them, because during the handful of occasions that the three of them were together Hizashi had felt that everything was right in world. The three of them together was the future that he wanted, but he was tired of wishing for what was too good to be true.

"I'm sorry, Yagi."

"Just talk to me, Yamada," the man suggests, with watery blue eyes.

"I can't," he whispers and starts to pull his hand away. Toshinori stops him, grabbing his hand and pulls Hizashi flush against him. The voice hero hisses at the angle that his speaker is now digging into his neck as he looks up into the eyes of the taller man. "You're hurting me," he sobs.

"Why can't you talk to me anymore? You used to do it so easily."

"I know and I'm sorry that I can't anymore," he pauses to take a shaky breath, "but you're really hurting my neck, Yagi."

The taller man finally realizes that Hizashi meant physical pain and he immediately loosens his grip, allowing the voice hero to pull away from him. Again, he'd spoken without thinking. Once Shouta and he had begun dating, Hizashi need to create some distance with the other blond so that he could heal his heart. He knew that it would hurt the man and that he'd probably think that he'd somehow upset the voice hero, but Hizashi needed to do it.

He leaves Toshinori alone without another word and goes home to rid the place of any filth that his ex may have decided to keep there.


	9. Chapter 9

Finals week begins without a hitch, but Hizashi already knows that it'll end in hell for him. He'd ignored all calls from Toshinori and Shouta, which hadn't been too many as they seemed to have understood that he wasn't in the mood to talk to either of them. The voice hero's weekend had consisted of him thoroughly cleaning every corner of his apartment and trashing everything that Saitei had left there. He wanted no trace of the singer to remain.

He'd spoiled himself one evening by opening a bottle of one of the finer wines that he'd been saving for a special occasion and sipped it while lazing in the bath. The weekend had been all about him and though he felt a bit better from the self-care, he still cried himself to sleep when he curled up in the center of his bed. He hated how alone it felt.

Even on Monday, the knowledge that he _had_ to go to school and would likely have to stay after for a little while drained him of all energy that he'd gotten over the weekend from resting. His usual boisterous attitude is replaced by a reserved one, causing the students to whisper between the exams. Much to his surprise though, someone blames the sudden shift in his personality on the stress of finals, offering that as head of the English department, the voice hero probably has the toughest subject to grade and make sure that the standards are being met.

He did hate finals as the department head because it was a pain to change the curriculum when test scores weren't up to par. But it never did this to his mood and it brought a smile to his face to have someone blame his attitude of those responsibilities. It worked as a good cover for the teachers who had begun to look a little more concerned about him than he was comfortable with.

He kept to himself the entire week and when the day of the practical exam arrived, his sadistic side was more than ready to let loose a little bit. Standing alongside the rest of the teachers, Hizashi listens as Shouta informs class 1-A of their teams and their opponents. He eyes Jirou and Koda when he hears his name, already knowing how to corner the two. The look in Jirou's eyes tell him that she's underestimating the voice hero. Probably forgetting that they're facing off against pros.

In the end the pair pass their exam, just barely getting past him on time. He's absolutely pissed about how they went about it, but is able to applaud them for their creativity after being backed into the corner from the get go. As a teacher he has high hopes for each of them and believes that they'll steadily grow stronger during their time as UA students. As an individual who hates bugs, he wishes for them to suffer greatly at Shouta's hands during their training camp.

He spends a good half hour shaking any and all creepy crawlies from his person. He even lets out a soft shout, just loud enough to disturb the bugs, to ensure that they're all gone. When he meets back up with the rest of the teachers, those that had gotten a glimpse at his exam chide him for being so hard on the students before teasing him about the way that they defeated him.

Hizashi just ignores them, too exhausted to joke and tease them back. As it's the last day of exams, the teachers are going out tonight and for the first time in a long time, the voice hero expresses no interest in going. Shouta and Toshinori are going, which surprises everyone as they normally preferred just their own company. Midnight tries to coax him into going but he merely tells them that he's exhausted and just needs some rest.

He exchanges a glance with Shouta who looks worried, like him going is the reason for Hizashi opting out, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. He'd love more than anything to spend time with the them and the others, but he just can't can't handle the social interaction right now. As he heads home, he makes sure to smile at his friend, noticing a very slight darkening of his cheeks.

Right now, he hates Toshinori for being so easy to love because it makes is hard to hate him. He only wants to hate him for taking away the one person he'd been able to completely be himself around. He hates himself most of all though. Envy is an ugly thing and that's exactly how he feels because he wants what Shouta has. That one great love that only comes once in a lifetime. Though for him, it's technically two.

The voice hero normally takes proper care of himself, but the effort just doesn't seem worth it. It hadn't even when he was dating Sai. Hell, after a month of dating the man, he'd only grown more self conscious of his image than ever before because of some snide comment he'd made once. And now that it was just him, he didn't care anymore. At least for the time being.

For the next handful of days, Hizashi shuts the world out. Shouta and Toshinori call him plenty but he ignores all calls. He knows that this behavior of his is only making things worse, but it's all he can do. He can't explain it, or even begin to work through it because it only makes him feel worse about everything. After those few days of isolation, he doesn't even recognize himself.

His eyes are swollen from the endless crying and he can't tell if he's gained weight or lost it. He's taken to eating only once a day and it's nothing but junk food. Hizashi hadn't expected everything to go back to normal with Saitei out of the picture, but it wasn't supposed to be this hard either. He's stopped sleeping at night but it does nothing for him when Friday rolls around and he shows up to his radio station.

He's not of sound or sober mind for a live show, so he ends up sending his production crew home and plays a past broadcast. It's the one thing he can handle even as he steals a bottle of whiskey from one the production member's desk. He's got a strict no drinking on the show policy, but sometimes the crew will have a drink after the show which doesn't bother him. Tonight he's rather thankful for it though he feels a little bad for having drank most of its contents.

It's nearly seven am when Hizashi finally stumbles up the stairs that lead to his apartment. He'd spent a solid forty-five minutes locked in the bathroom at the studio, retching his stomach of all contents before finally managing to leave. All he wants to do is lie down and sleep forever, but the world has other plans.

He stops at the top of the stairs and watches Toshinori's lean figure straighten from the spot he was leaning against beside his door.

"Did Shouta ask you check on me since he's away?" Hizashi questions as he walks up to the door, reaching for his keys.

"Quite the opposite," the tall man mumbles, "he said that it'd be best to let you be for a time."

"I wish you had listened to him, Yagi," the voice hero huffs, struggling to get the key into the lock.

He stops his fumbling when the man beside his holds his hand still and guides him in unlocking the door. "I had been, all week in fact, but I couldn't stay away after listening to a little bit of your show last night."

His body goes limp at the statement and Toshinori is forced to hold him up against the door. "Yamada, are you alright?"

"Just fine," the voice hero sarcastically says before his head falls forward and hits the door with a solid knock.

"Let's get you inside and into something comfortable," he sighs then pushes the door open while allowing the shorter blond to lean back against him.

"Please just leave me alone," Hizashi whimpers, ashamed to be seen in his sorry state.

"I can't," he huffs, "not anymore."

Hizashi stumbles forward, nearly dragging Toshinori down with him. It takes more time and effort than necessary to get to the bedroom, but after nearly falling twice more, the two make it. Toshinori sits Hizashi down on the bed and immediately removes his speaker from around the man's neck, grimacing at the fresh bruises.

The voice hero is finally crashing, but he's fighting it. Every time his eyes drift shut, he snaps them back open. Toshinori kneels down and unzips his boots before sliding them off of his feet. He barely registers anything happening around him as his eyes follow the man's form as he stands back up.

"I'm going to warm the shower for you, can you undress yourself the rest of the way?"

Hizashi only knows that he nods because he watches Toshinori turn away from and walk into his bathroom. He doesn't know what he should do. Part of him wants to let the man stay and allow himself to be taken care of, but he's also afraid of relinquishing control, not that _he's_ in control of anything in his life right now. So he does the one thing that always calms him; he sings.

"When the lights go down..."

Singing is the one of the few things that he's never had to think about. He doesn't even have to think of a song to sing. The lyrics just always seem to come to him. He slides his jacket off his shoulders, letting it fall to the bed then pulls his shirt over his head.

"...heaven only knows I can't keep up at all." He pays Toshinori no mind when he comes back into the bedroom, eyes wide as the taller blond admires Hizashi's lean form while he continues to undress and sing to himself. "Looks like you got the best of me, maybe the fool in me..."

Standing in nothing but a pair of lacy black underwear, Hizashi is guided to the shower, his mind in a fog from the alcohol and the song. "I'm going to make you some food," he hears Toshinori say before he leaves him once again.

Hizashi almost forgets to remove his panties before stepping under the warm stream. He stands under the water, head bent forward, and lets the water run through his greasy locks.

"Running down a lonely road, here we go, here we go again," he sings to himself. Was he ever going to learn to not allow himself to get too invested in a person? How many times in the past had he let someone use him and then leave him in pieces because they'd not taken care of him? How many times had Shouta been inconvenienced because of his fickle heart?

But it wasn't Shouta here right now. It was the man's boyfriend. Shouta put up with him because they'd been friends for so long but the other blond had no obligations to him whatsoever, not that Hizashi thought Shouta was in any way obligated to take care of him for any reason.

"Was it love we were making? Or have you traded it all?"

He thinks he hears the door open for a brief moment then softly click shut again as he finally moves to massage shampoo into his hair. His movements are slow, languid even as he has no desire to leave the warm confines of the shower. After his hair is clean and conditioned, he moves to the bath, wrapping his hair up while the tub fills up.

"Yamada, do you need anything?" Toshinori asks from the other side of the door. A shiver runs down Hizashi's spine and he gets into the warm bath water a little too quickly, splashing a bit of water onto the floor. "Yamada?" The doorknob turns and his stomach drops. He's going to be sick.

"C-could I have something to drink?" he finally asks, stopping Toshinori from coming in.

"Of course," he answers. Hizashi can hear the smile in his voice. "Would you try to eat something as well?"

The thought of Toshinori rummaging about his filthy apartment is more than a little embarrassing. He doesn't even know what he has to eat in his kitchen since he'd not had a proper meal in days. His stomach lets out a low grumble at the mention of food so he agrees to try.

In the time that he's left alone, Hizashi grabs both his body wash and begins to work it into a gentle lather over his tired skin. He takes a deep breath and smiles at the pomegranate scented suds; sweet and slightly acidic. He leans back and lifts his legs from the water one at at a time, noting that he should shave as he massages the soap into his legs. It was something he used to do for himself when he felt like, because he liked how soft his skin felt. That had changed though with Saitei as the younger man had all but demanded that Hizashi keep himself groomed. It became a chore more so than a way to relax himself.

"You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?" the voice hero starts again.

"Who are you singing that song for?"

Head still resting on the edge of the tub, Hizashi looks over at Toshinori and smiles softly at him. "I don't know, but it makes me feel better so I guess it doesn't matter?" he asks, the question being more directed at himself than his temporary caretaker.

"That's a good way to think about it. May I come in?"

"What?"

"You look comfortable in the bath and I don't want you to get out quite yet if that's the case. But if you'd rather me wait-"

"Don't go," Hizashi interrupts, sitting up and splashing more water over the side of the tub. Toshinori pushes the door the rest of the way open and walks over to the bath, setting a glass of something fizzy and some crackers on the counter before he does so. "Yagi the wa-" he tries to warn but the man doesn't seem to care as he kneels beside the tub.

"I'm here, Hizashi," he whispers, "I'll be here until you're comfortable enough for me to leave."

Hizashi just nods at him and waits as he stands to grab the food and drink that had been brought for him. Toshinori holds the glass to him and he takes a sip; lemon lime soda. The bubbles prevent him from being able down it in one go but they also help settle his stomach a bit.

He eyes Toshinori as the man offers him a cracker. He could hold the glass in one hand and take it with his free one, but then it'd get soggy and probably taste like his body wash, which would not leave a pleasant taste in his mouth not matter how good it smelt. That only left him with one option; to allow the other blond to feed him.

Hizashi bites his cheek and looks at Toshinori, who's still holding the cracker out to him, before sighing and leaning forward to take the offered food. He doesn't crush it between his teeth immediately, Rather he holds it between his lips then uses his tongue to push the entire cracker into his mouth before chewing it to bits. It's a little stale, but it's simple and won't leave him hanging over with toilet for takes another sip of his soda then another cracker as it's offered.

The two blonds move through this motion in a comfortable silence, interrupted only by Hizashi eating, until Toshinori notices the first shiver.

"Perhaps it's time you get out now?"

"Yeah," Hizashi answers, "starting to get cold."

With a nod, Toshinori stands up, taking the near empty glass from Hizashi's hands, and gives him some privacy. After the door is pulled shut, he finally stands and reaches for a towel to wrap around his waist. He takes his time, gently patting his skin dry before applying a tiny amount of his lightly sesame scented body oil. He slips on the fresh panties and sweatpants that Toshinori had left for him. He feels like he should properly blow dry his hair but the bath had forced him to relax and all he wanted to do was sleep forever, so he settles for carefully brushing out the tangles.

Toshinori is sitting at the foot of his bed when he opens the bathroom door and he notices that the man's pants are still wet causing him to frown. He doesn't see, or at least doesn't acknowledge, the other blond's quizzical expression as he walks over to his closet in search of the one pair of pants that are too long for him. He sighs when he finds them, disappointed that they aren't as long as he thought they were but brings them over to Toshinori regardless.

"They're probably still too short for you, but should fit otherwise so you can dry your own pants," he says meekly and holds them out to him.

"Thank you," Toshinori responds and takes them, purposely letting his fingers glide over the backs of Hizashi's hands. "Are you going to sleep now?"

"Yeah," he sighs, "I can barely stand up."

"Then I won't disturb you anymore," he says and stands up, "I hope that you're able to sleep soundly, Hizashi."

The voice hero smile to himself as he pulls back the covers from his bed then climbs underneath them. "You weren't," he breaths, eyes immediately drifting shut, "disturbing me, Yagi."

Hizashi is asleep right after the name passes his lips, unaware that the individual in question had heard him.


	10. Chapter 10

It's well into the afternoon when Hizashi wakes up and there's nothing graceful about how he does so. His body is heavy and he doesn't want to get out of bed, but the burning need to pee forces him to do so. He has to wrestle the sheets from his body before he slowly sits up and stumbles to the bathroom, paying no mind to the towel laying on the floor.

He doesn't bother with his pants when he's done, instead just leaves them with the towels after he washes his hands. From his dresser, he pulls out a pair of simple black thigh stockings and from his closet, a knitted ivory colored sweaterdress. He stopped wearing his cute clothes around Saitei because he didn't like how rough he always seemed to get whenever he did. There'd even been one instance where the man had ruined one of his favorite blouses in the heat of the moment.

As he pulls on the stockings he chides himself for not shaving, feeling a little self-conscious of the visible hairs on his thighs that aren't covered by the dress or the stockings. He quickly shrugs the thought away and admires his reflection as he works his fingers through the mess of tangles in his hair.

Now dressed and a bit more awake, the voice hero makes up his bed and collects the towels and pants that had been discarded on the bathroom floor, intending to take them down the hall to be washed. Three steps outside the bedroom, he freezes up at the sound of running water in the kitchen. Before he goes into complete panic mode, he runs through everything he can remember before falling asleep.

He'd been at the radio station till nearly six after getting sick and then he'd walked home, meaning it was close to seven when he'd gotten home. He'd showered at some point, given the towels left on the floor. Beyond that, everything was a blur. The smell of food confirms that he was not alone in his apartment though he'd certainly left his station alone.

Hizashi drops the laundry to the floor and tiptoes to the kitchen, not wanting to spook whoever it was, more so for their protection since he was confident that he could protect himself. What he wasn't expecting though, was to find Toshinori humming contentedly as he stood over the stove. He glances around to find that his apartment had been cleaned. The memories from this morning flood his mind not a moment later, causing him to suck in breath and alert the other blond that he was no longer alone.

Both blue and red eyes widen when Toshinori turns around to look at Hizashi, standing in the edge of the kitchen wearing the ivory dress and black stockings.

"You stayed," he whispers as tears start to well up in his eyes.

Toshinori flashes a smile at him and then turns back to the stove. "I did."

"Oh god, you stayed," he whispers in horror a second later, "I came home a mess and you took care of me, then you stayed."

Toshinori glances back at the voice hero to see him cover his mouth with one hand and pull at the hem of his dress with the other, fingers grazing over the small area of exposed skin on his thigh. "You'll stretch the fabric beyond repair if you continue to pull at the hem like that."

"I don't remember much of anything between coming home and waking up. Did I say say or do anything inappropriate?" he asks worriedly as he walks over to the table.

The room falls silent as Toshinori shuts off the stove and finishes preparing whatever he'd decided to cook, though Hizashi doesn't know with what ingredients since he hadn't done any grocery shopping in more than a week. The voice hero doesn't take Toshinori's silence very well and goes through everything that happened this morning, desperately trying to determine just how much he'd embarrassed himself in front of the other blond.

He remembered that after his shower, he'd ended up sitting in the bath for a little bit as his skin still smelt of his pomegranate soap and sesame body oil. But Hizashi couldn't for the life of him, remember where Toshinori was in all of this.

"Hizashi?" The blond watches Toshinori's lithe figure as he walks from the kitchen and joins him at the table. "What's on your mind?" he asks, placing a bowl of soup in front of him.

"You didn't answer my question, Yagi," he mutters.

"That's what you're worried about?"

Hizashi furrows his brow as the other blond slurps a spoonful of soup. "What else should I be worrying about? Did you _do_ something while I was sleep?" he playfully accuses, narrowing his eyes. The statement surprises Toshinori, causing the man to choke on his soup.

"O-Of course I didn't. That's not funny, Hizashi," the man pouts.

"Sorry, but it was a perfect opportunity, Yagi," he apologizes and reaches for Toshinori's hand.

"You confuse me," he sighs, drawing soothing circles on the back of Hizashi's hand. Hizashi tucks his hair behind his ear with his free hand, smiling and waiting to see if the other blond has more to add before asking what he means, though he already had an inkling to what he was getting at.

"I still confuse Shouta too, so don't feel bad," he assures, gently squeezing Toshinori's hand. "Even after fifteen years, he doesn't always get why I'm like this."

"He tries though," Toshinori explains.

Hizashi runs a hand through his hair and nods. "I know, but it was different this time. I couldn't let him in like I normally would because he was part of the reason I was hurting."

"So you sought out someone else to fill that void."

Hizashi nods again, this time pulling his hand from Toshinori's gentle grip. "I didn't mean for anything to happen between Saitei and me it just did," he stresses, standing up to pace the room as he does so.

The taller blond follows suit, recognizing the signs of a panic attack. He steps in front on the shorter man, blocking his path and holding him still by the shoulders. "Look at me, Hizashi," he instructs. The voice hero does as requested, earning a soft smile from Toshinori. "Hi beautiful," he whispers, "Talk to me. Tell me what I can do?"

"Does he hate me?" he asks, his voice cracking.

"No... No, he doesn't hate you. He could never, Hizashi," Toshinori assures.

"How do you know?"

"Because I talked to him while you were asleep," he explains. Surprised red eyes blink at him several times. "He's been worried about you, Hizashi and... well you know how he can be; he blames himself." Learning that Shouta had been beating himself up because of how he'd been acting as of late was too much.

The voice hero's knees give out and Toshinori wraps his arms around him completely and lowers them to the floor. Hizashi fists the man's shirt and he leans down so that his lips just graze the shell of his ear. Feeling Toshinori's breath ghost over his skin there sends shivers down his spine and Hizashi arches further into his embrace.

"I miss him," he sobs, "Give him back."

He immediately regrets saying those words aloud because only he knows the real meaning behind them. He wants Shouta back, but he also wants the relationship he had with Yagi before Shouta caught his attention. It wasn't fair that the voice hero had been left out in the cold so to speak.

"I don't want you to leave but I can't ask you to stay either," Hizashi coffesses.

"Then don't ask," Toshinori suggests," just tell me. Please."

"You aren't mine to tell, Yagi."

"Are you going to send me away?"

"I-I don't know what I'm going to do..."

"Is there anything you need from me?" Toshinori questions, desperate to keep the man in his arms from withdrawing into himself.

"Do you think Shouta is busy right now?" he asks, a little embarrassed that he has to ask his friend's boyfriend if they can call him.

"If he is we can leave a message," Toshinori answers, and he'll get back to us when he can. I think he'd like to hear from you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

As expected, Shouta isn't able to answer but he leaves a message like Toshinori suggests. He doesn't know if the man will be happy to hear from him considering that he probably won't even understand a damn word as he's still crying. If anything he'll only worry more, maybe even think that Toshinori had done something to upset him. So he makes sure to tell him that he really is fine and that the taller man is watching over him but still respecting him and not being too pushy. He also apologizes to Shouta for his behavior but doesn't get to finish it as the line cuts off.

He returns Toshinori's phone to him and just like this morning, he allows the man to take care of him. Toshinori reheats his soup and he eats what he can stomach until his appetite leaves him completely. Hizashi doesn't move from the table when the he gets up to clean the kitchen. Doesn't touch the tea that Toshinori makes for him, not that he thought the voice hero would actually drink any of it.

Again, he feels like he's taking advantage of Toshinori's kindness and feels that he should ask him to leave, but is it really such a bad thing for him to accept the man's attention while he can? But what if he's only here for Shouta at this point. Did Toshinori only care about him because Shouta did? Not couldn't be right though given what the man had told him that morning. How he had been forcing himself to stay away all week long.

The sun is starting to set and Shouta still has yet to call back. Toshinori notes that several students had been required to take remedial lessons to to poor performances during the practical exams and that he purposefully ran them late. Hizashi wouldn't put that kind of behavior past the man since he was always looking for a way to challenge his students, even if it meant expulsion. Even still, his fickle mind can't help but wonder that maybe Shouta is tired of dealing with him.

He spends hours at the table, speaking only when asked if he needs anything. For a while, he forgets that Toshinori is even still with him. It isn't until the man gets a text from Shouta that he even thinks about what a horrible host he's been because even when Shouta used to care for him like this, he was never this passive about having someone over.

He stands up to walk to the couch where the other blond had decided to relax, though he's still lost in his mind and ends up running into the man.

"Did you need something, Hizashi?" he asks as he reaches out to steady the shorter man.

"I was actually about to ask you that," he laughs, rubbing his stinging nose.

Toshinori blinks down at the voice hero. "There's no need to fuss over me."

"I know that you're here taking care of me, but that doesn't excuse the fact that I've been a terrible host," he states a bit too meekly for his tastes.

"Stop that," the man directs, startling Hizashi with how stern his voice sounds, " I'm here for _you_. I don't care that you aren't being a proper host. Even if you were well I wouldn't care because I'm here with you which is all I care about."

Hizashi is unable to say or do anything as he processes Toshinori's words. He'd clearly heard what he'd said but he couldn't grasp what he was _trying_ to say to him. As he looks into those blue crystal eyes he knows there's no denying that he loves this man, but there's no way he can say it aloud. He'd prefer to continue to suffer than to actually ruin the beautiful thing that the two men had.

"Shouta texted me, he got your message."

"W-What did he say?" Hizashi asks quickly.

"Look for yourself," he answers, holding out his phone for him to see.

Hizashi hesitantly reaches for it, not daring to look at the screen until the device is securely in his hands.

 _(Shouta 19:38) I'm sorry that I can't call you right now Hizashi, but I'm sorry too. Can we please talk when I get home?_

"Yagi?"

"What do you need?"

He was afraid to ask Toshinori for this favor because he didn't know how comfortable he'd with be it but decides to throw caution to the wind. "Is it okay if I send Shouta a picture?" his voice trailing off at the last word. "Obviously nothing inappropriate," he hurriedly continues when the man looks utterly confused. "I think if he sees me in this," he says motioning to his apparel, "he'll know that I'm doing okay. That I'm feeling more like myself."

"I'll take it for you if you want," Toshinori offers with a smile.

The voice hero's red eyes light up and he hands the phone back to its owner. Running into the man a few minutes prior meant that he hadn't made it far from the kitchen table so he moves to sit on it, crossing one leg over the other after he does so. He smooths out the hem of his dress, then places his hands on either side of him, folding his fingers over the edge and tilting his head to one side. When Toshinori raises his phone to snap a photo, he smiles brightly.

Though instead of snapping the photo, the man walks over to him. Hizashi freezes and closes his eyes, only feeling him reach behind his head and pull his hair from the ponytail he'd put it in. It falls with no grace whatsoever, still a little damp and frames his face with slight waves.

"Beautiful," he whispers and moves back to get the picture. Hizashi smiles again, but this time he looks far more shy with flushed cheeks and knitted eyebrows.

Hizashi slides from the table and enthusiastically takes the device as it's offered to him, typing a quick yes to Shouta's question and hitting send. He then anxiously waits a couple minutes for a reply, heart pounding and sucks in a breath when it arrives.

 _(Shouta 19:46) I always loved you in that one._

He looks back up to Toshinori and for the first time what feels like forever, he's happy and believes that he really will be okay. It's a shame that the feeling couldn't last.


End file.
